


perfect strangers

by fauxghost



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Textfic, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-13 09:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12980988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxghost/pseuds/fauxghost
Summary: They're complete strangers until Simon accidentally texts Baz.Then they become so much more.





	1. stranger danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold: Simon  
> Normal: Baz  
> (the name after the time stamp is whatever the other person has them saved as in their phone)

Friday

 

2:45 pm (Unknown Number)  
**hey :)**

3:01 pm (Unknown Number)  
Who is this?

3:02 pm (Unknown Number)  
**the cutie from the cafe ;)**

3:05 pm (Unknown Number)  
I think you have the wrong number. Sorry.

3:05 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wait fr?!**

3:10 pm (Unknown Number)  
Yeah. 

3:11 pm (Unknown Number)  
**what a bummer ajsdlfkj**  

3:11 pm (Unknown Number)  
**do u think she gave me the wrong # on purpose**

3:12 pm (Unknown Number)  
How should I know?

3:13 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wahtever its fine ill just be alone FORSEVER dfsjk**

3:15 pm (Unknown Number)  
With that spelling you will. 

3:15 pm (Unknown Number)  
**WTF IM EMOTIONAL LEAV E ME ALONE**

3:17 pm (Unknown Number)  
You’re the one that keeps replying.

3:17 pm (Unknown Number)  
**NO U ARE**

 

7:08 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i guess u were right it was me lol**

7:31 pm (Unknown Number)  
Okay???

7:35 pm (Unknown Number)  
**so wyd**

7:47 pm (Unknown Number)  
Studying. 

7:49 pm (Unknown Number)  
**haha its friday night NERD**

 

10:01 pm (Unknown Number)  
**I WA SKIDDING IM SO OSORY PLS COME BACK**

10:01 pm (Unknown Number)  
**U WERE RUDE 2 ME EARLIER I THOUGHT IW A S JUSTISFED**

10:02 pm (Unknown Number)  
Fucking hell. Do you not have spell check?

10:02 pm (Unknown Number)  
**UR BAKC** ****

10:02 pm (Unknown Number)  
**psh this isnt an essay. u really r a nerd**

10:03 pm (Unknown Number)  
I’m blocking your number now.

10:03 pm (Unknown Number)  
**NONONONONONoDLKF**

10:03 pm (Unknown Number)  
**DONT LEAVE ME I LOVE U IM SORRY FOR CALLIGN U A NERD**

10:03 pm (Unknown Number)  
**IMS RORYRY IM SRORY IM OSRROYY IM SORRY**

10:03 pm (Unknown Number)  
You should be apologizing for your atrocious spelling.

10:04 pm (Unknown Number)  
**still on the spelling thing huh**

10:04 pm (Unknown Number)  
**can’t believe im texting my english teacher, wild**

10:05 pm (Unknown Number)  
I’m really glad that girl gave you the wrong number.

10:05 pm (Unknown Number)  
**bc u got 2 text me instead?? wow ur so sweet <3**

10:06 pm (Unknown Number)  
I don’t even know her, but I’m happy she doesn’t have to deal with you. She doesn’t deserve this.

10:06 (Unknown Number)  
**how DARE**

10:06 pm (Unknown Number)  
**I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY TJAT??? IN THIS ECONOMY ???? IN FRONT OF MY BROEKN HEART** ****

10:10 pm (Unknown Number)  
Yeah. She dodged a bullet.

10:11 pm (Unknown Number)  
**she prolly gave me the wrong number on accident i don't deserve this slander**

10:12 pm (Unknown Number)  
On accident. I’m sure that’s what happened.

10:12 pm (Unknown Number)  
**u know what its fine….. there are other fish in the sea…. ;)**

10:12 pm (Unknown Number)  
**so whats ur name?? ;) ;) ;) ;:;))))**

10:16 pm (Unknown Number)  
No.

10:17 pm (Unknown Number)  
**hi no im dad**

10:20 pm (Unknown Number)  
Bye.

10:21 pm (Unknown Number)  
**WAIT NOOOO i just need 2 know ur name!!**

10:23 pm (Unknown Number)  
Why?

10:23 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i need to make sure u aren’t like,,, actually my english teacher. or an old man**  

10:23 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i mean u said u were studyin so like. probably not an old man?**  

10:31 pm (Unknown Number)  
I could just lie???

10:31 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wtf r u evil or something**

10:32 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Or something. Are you 12?

10:33 pm (Unknown Number)  
**no im 18 and my name is simon!! ur turn!**

10:35 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
No thanks!

10:37 pm (Unknown Number)  
**well at least u were polite about it**

10:38 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
By “no thanks” I meant “fuck off”.

10:39 pm (Unknown Number)  
**cmon plz i need to know what to name u in my phone**

10:39 pm (Unknown Number)  
**right now ur “SUPERVILLAIN” cuz ur evil, u know**

10:40 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Why am I saved in your phone?

10:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**bc we’re bffs now??**  

10:52 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
I think the fuck not.

10:55 pm (Unknown Number)  
**bc ur my rebound and we’re gonna be rlly hot together and make cafe girl jealous??**

11:01 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Wrong again.

11:02 pm (Unknown Number)  
**ok just tell me this,,, r u a girl or boy**

11:02 pm (Unknown Number)  
**or any other gender??**

11:05 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
If I tell you, will you leave me alone?

11:06 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i mean… at least 4 the rest of the night**

11:09 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Boy.

11:10 pm (Unknown Number)  
**WOW U ACTUALLY TOLD ME**

11:10 pm (Unknown Number)  
**that is what i call PROGRESS**

11:11 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Simon.

11:11 pm (Unknown Number)  
**RIGHT SOSRRY ILL LEAVE U ALONE NOW GOODNIGHTJKLDFS**

 

Saturday

 

12:31 pm (Unknown Number)  
**goooood morning!!!!!**  

12:32 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Morning? Did you seriously just wake up?

12:33 pm (Unknown Number)  
**aw were u waiting for me 2 text u <3333**

12:40 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
I would never want to text someone who wakes up at noon.

12:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**yet here u are :O**

12:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**anyways whats ur favorite between scooby doo, scooby doo 2, and scooby doo the mystery begins**

12:45 (SUPERVILLAIN)  
You’re joking right?

12:45 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Obviously.

12:46 pm (Unknown Number)  
**oMGomGOMGOMGOMG MARRY ME**

12:46 pm (Unknown Number)  
**IVE NEVER LOVED U MORE THAN I DO IN THIS MOEMENT**

12:46 pm (Unknown Number)  
**WE’RE THE GREATEST DECTIVES WERE THE GREATEST DETECTIVES** ****

12:47 pm (Unknown Number)  
**DARN BUSHES YOWLIN AT ME AGSIN**

12:47 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i feel like u are that old guy**

12:48 pm (SUPERVILLAIN)  
That’s Old Man Wickles, to you.

12:48 pm (Unknown Number)  
**who am i who am i?? i feel like im freddy**

12:49 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
Definitely not. You’re Scooby.

12:50 pm (Unknown Number)  
**idk if u meant that as a compliment but thank u**

12:50 pm (Unknown Number)  
**this is amazing**

12:50 pm (Unknown Number)  
**all i needed to do was bring up scooby doo for u to not hate me**

12:51 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
I still hate you.

12:52 pm (Unknown Number)  
**o h**

12:52 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i thought we were bonding**

12:57 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
You thought wrong.

12:59 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wAIT i just realized i still don't know ur name**

1:05 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
….

1:06 pm (Unknown Number)  
**sooooo what is it**  

1:09 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
You actually think I would tell you?

1:11 pm (Unknown Number)  
**ok at least tell me ur age bc i have u saved as “old man wickles” now and that’s how im picturing u**

1:16 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
Oh my god.

1:18 pm (Unknown Number)  
**hOW OLD R U, OL D MAN WICNKLES**

1:26 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
We already established that I’m not an old man.

1:27 pm (Unknown Number)  
**JUST TELL ME UR AGE I HAVE TO START MY SHIFT AT WORK LIKE RN HURRY**

1:28 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
I can’t believe you have a job.

1:28 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wahts that supposed 2 mean**

1:29 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
I just thought have a job required… you know, intelligence.

1:29 pm (Unknown Number)  
**SKDFKLDSLKFJ EXCUSE ME**

1:29 pm (Unknown Number)  
**tbh tho my job doesnt require much smartness i just bake stuffs and eat lots of scones so**  

1:30 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
“Smartness”? Really?

1:40 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
Wait… where do you work?

 

8:07 pm (Unknown Number)  
**how come u get to ask questions but u won’t answer mine ?!??!**

8:10 pm (Unknown Number)  
**that doesnnt sound fair to me**

 

10:10 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
Life isn’t fair.

10:22 pm (Unknown Number)  
**OK THEN GOODNIGHT TO YOU TOO ajsdfksjdf**

10:27 pm (Old Man Wickles)  
Do you work at Ebb’s Cafe?

10:28 pm (Unknown Number)  
**OHMGYSOH**

10:28 pm (Unknown Number)  
**UR A STALKER DSFLJ**

10:28 pm (Unknown Number)  
**STRANG ER DANGENR**

10:28 pm (Unknown Number)  
**IM LITEARLY SO CREEPD OUT RN**

10:30 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Chill.

10:31 pm (Unknown Number)  
**I CANNOT** ****

10:32 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I go there sometimes. You said your name is Simon and you bake at work so…

10:32 pm (Unknown Number)  
**WAIT WJHATJT**

10:32 pm (Unknown Number)  
**so youve seen me?!??!**

10:33 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Yeah.

10:35 pm (Unknown Number)  
**OMFG this is wild**

10:35 pm (Unknown Number)  
**youve seen me and i dont even know ur name. again with the unfairness :(**

10:35 pm (Unknown Number)  
**did u think i was cute tho ;)** ****

10:35 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wait PLS tell me ur not an old man**

10:39 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’m 18.

10:40 pm (Unknown Number)  
**JDSJDFS THANK GOD**

10:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**wait holy shit**

10:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**have u been the girl from the cafe THIS WHOLE TIME**  

10:14 pm (Unknown Number)  
**PLOT TWIST**

10:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**IT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH SENSE DJFLKS**

10:42 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
How would that make any sense?

10:42 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I can’t believe you hit on some poor girl while you were working. 

10:43 pm (Unknown Number)  
**I WAS ON BREAK U DICK**

10:43 pm (Unknown Number)  
**listen buddy im gonna need u to send me a selfie to prove 1. ur not an old man and 2. ur not katie (cafe girl)**

10:45 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
[ Image sent. ](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/scoobydoo/images/d/dc/Jeremiah_Wickles.png/revision/latest?cb=20120322141908)

10:47 pm (Unknown Number)  
**JLKSDFLJKSF:LSFK: NODSFJDSFJKLFDSJKSFKJ OLD MAN WICKLESDSF**

10:47 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i want 2 be mad at u but that was to funny**

10:49 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
*Too.

10:51 pm (Unknown Number)  
**nvm i take it back im mad at u**

10:57 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Goodnight, Simon.

11:01 pm (Unknown Number)  
**I CANT BELIEVE U KNOW ME AND IDK WHO TF U ARE THIS IS SO WRONG**

 

11:40 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i cant stop thinking about this**

11:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**the amount of teenage boys i serve daily is unbelievable...i have no clue who u r**  

11:41 pm (Unknown Number)  
**did u actually go to sleep damn**

11:42 pm (Unknown Number)  
**i hope ur phone is off lol srry for spamming**  

11:43 pm (Unknown Number)  
**gn, stranger danger**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some things:  
> -i spent the weekend writing this instead of studying for finals, nice  
> -i think this is gonna be set in america because i know nothing about the british schooling system, IM SORRY  
> -i'm projecting my love of scooby doo 2 onto simon and baz, oops  
> -i have no idea where this is going and i don't have regular updating schedules but i'm really inspired so far!  
> -thank you for reading, comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	2. evil plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bold: Simon  
> Normal: Baz  
> Underlined: Penelope

Sunday

 

9:03 am (STRANGER DANGER)  
You actually used a comma, how surprising.

3:07 pm (Simon)  
**r u proud of me <3**

3:36 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Not if you just slept in till three in the afternoon.

3:47 pm (Simon)  
**nuuuu i woke up at 12 pm like every self respecting human on a sunday**

3:48 pm (Simon)  
**srry for not replying earlier i was with my bestie penny <3<3<3**

3:57 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
You have friends? You keep surprising me more and more.

4:01 pm (Simon)  
**YES I HAVE FIRENDNS**

4:01 pm (Simon)  
**UR THE NERD REMEMBER**

 ****4:05 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I love how easily you get offended.

4:09 pm (Simon)  
**aw u <3 me :))))**

4:17 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Not what I said.

4:20 pm (Simon)  
**just let me LIVE**

4:21 pm (Simon)  
**before i die from the amount of hoemwokrk i have :(((**

4:28 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’m not going to grace that spelling of “homework” with a response.

4:30 pm (Simon)  
**u just did. also homework doesn’t DERSEVE to be spelled rite!!**

4:37 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
You just spelled it right.

4:41 pm (Simon)  
**FUCK U anyways would u mind tell me ur name**

4:41 pm (Simon)  
**its for….science**

4:43 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Smooth.

4:45 pm (Simon)  
**das me, smooth as butter ;))))**

4:45 pm (Simon)  
**o shit that made me hungry**

4:51 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
You are a disaster.

4:59 pm (Simon)  
**and u are???**

4:59 pm (Simon)  
**that’s me askin ur name if u cant tell**

5:01 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Thank you ever so much for the clarification. I would have never caught on.

5:04 pm (Simon)  
**JUST TELL ME UR NAMEE U MEANIE**

  
5:10 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
If I didn’t know who you were I’d be convinced I was texting a six year old.

5:12 pm (Simon)  
**my full name is simon snow. there now u owe me at least a first name.**

5:13 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
OH MY GOD

5:13 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
SIMON SNOW. THIS IS TOO MUCH.

5:14 pm (Simon Snow)  
**SDKJFLDSJFLDSKFJDSF WTF**

5:14 pm (Simon Snow)  
**theres nothing wrong with my name u jerk !!!!**

5:15 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
It’s a fucking alliteration. I’m dead. You sound like some sort of failed superhero.

5:20 pm (Simon Snow)  
**its better than ur name !!!!!!!!!**

5:20 pm (Simon Snow)  
**...i bet**

5:31 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
You’re ridiculous.

5:34 pm (Simon Snow)  
**tell me ur name i will give you five dollars**

5:34 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i will give u a free drink at the cafe just dont tell ebb**

5:34 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ILL GIVE U MY FIRST BORN CHILD PLS ANYTHING U WNAT**

5:35 pm (Simon Snow)  
**….ill send u a dick pic**

5:36 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
BLOCKED AND REPORTED.

5:37 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I WAS KIDDING OMG** **  
**

5:38 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’ll take the first born child, thanks.

5:39 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i knew u were evil**

5:45 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
You offered.

5:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**still, sounds like somethin an evil person would want**

5:47 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’m kidding, I’m actually terrible with kids.

5:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**haha sux 4 u!!! kids LOVE me**

5:55 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
You have the maturity of a four year old, so that makes sense.

6:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**UR SO TERRILBE TO ME I DON'T DESERVE THIS**

6:05 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I would love (not really) to keep texting but I have to go out to dinner with my father.

6:06 pm (Simon Snow)  
**love u too <3 y cant u secretly text under the dinner table this conversation is important**

6:06 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
One, it’s not. Two, my father is a strong believer in appropriate dinner etiquette.

6:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thats no fun**

6:07 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Wish me luck.

6:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**good luck :)**

 

11:13 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Fucking hell I fucking hate my father. FUCK

11:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thats a lot of fucks.**

11:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**r u ok**

11:18 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’m fine. Sorry.

11:20 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ok then,,, get some sleep stranger :)**

 

Monday

 

10:01 am (STRANGER DANGER)  
This place is insufferable.

10:03 am (Simon Snow)  
**skool? Bc SAME**

10:14 am (STRANGER DANGER)  
*School. But yeah.

10:17 am (Simon Snow)  
**ur initiating conversations now i love it ;)))**

10:17 am (Simon Snow)  
**but i thought u were a nerd shouldnt u love school**

10:26 am (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’m smarter than half of my teachers. Every student here is a prick. I should have skipped a grade like father wanted me to.

10:30 am (Simon Snow)  
**omg. idek how to respond to that**

10:30 am (Simon Snow)  
**either ur really conceited or an actual genius**

10:42 am (STRANGER DANGER)  
Both.

 

11:39 am (PenelopBAE)  
Who were you texting last period?

11:43 am (Simon Hoe)  
**psh no one i dont text in class!!**

11:47 am (PenelopBAE)  
You’re literally in class right now.

11:50 am (Simon Hoe)  
**o ya. how’d u know i was texting someone**

11:57 am (PenelopBAE)  
You were smiling at your phone like an idiot.…..Agatha?

12:01 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**nonononononono**

12:02 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**thats over and dead and done**

12:02 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**i have a new love in my life**

12:03 pm (PenelopBAE)  
Oh?

12:04 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**idk his name.**

12:04 pm (PenelopBAE)  
But you’re texting him??

12:05 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**ya…. i kinda texted the wrong # and….**

12:06 pm (PenelopBAE)  
And?

12:06 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**well im uhhhh still texting him. he wont tell me his name tho ???**

12:11 pm (PenelopBAE)  
Simon WHAT???? STRANGER DANGER????

12:12 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**i know i know but anyway its 2 late he already knows who i am**

12:13 pm (PenelopBAE)  
But he won’t tell you his name… Simon, be careful.

12:17 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**ill be fine i promise!! he’s nice….ish**

12:18 pm (PenelopBAE)  
You’re going to get yourself killed one day.

12:20 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**not with u around :)**

12:21 pm (PenelopBAE)  
True. But still be careful.

 

2:15 pm (Simon Snow)  
**penny thinks ur gonna kill me ahhaahha**

2:18 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Penny sounds smart.

2:20 pm (Simon Snow)  
**SJKDFJLKS**

2:20 pm (Simon Snow)  
**anyway i have to go to work so i cant text u. try not to miss me 2 much ;)))**

2:21 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
How long are you working?

2:22 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i dont get off till 10 rip**

2:23 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Maybe I’ll stop by…

2:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**R U SERIOUS?!?!?!?**

2:24 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Completely. I told you, I go to Ebb’s quite often.

2:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**omg we’re gunna meet and ill finally know ur name this is going 2 be amazing ily**

2:26 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Hmmm I don’t think so.

2:26 pm (Simon Snow)  
**what?!**

2:27 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Oh how naive you are, Snow.

2:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WHAT**

2:27 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
I’ll see you, but you’ll have no idea who I am. This will be fun.

2:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**U HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDIGN ME RITE NOW DKSJkjldf**

2:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I KNEW UR WERE EVIL HOLY SHIT**

2:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**U CANT FOOL ME ILL KNOW WHEN ITS U** **  
**

2:29 pm (STRANGER DANGER)  
Good luck ;)


	3. dot dot dot...

**Simon**

I change Stranger Danger’s name in my phone to EVIL before running into work, panicked. I feel like I should have spent more time on my hair this morning which is absurd because he already knows what I look like. Not to mention, he’s a complete stranger who could potentially kill me. _Everything’s fine._

Ebb’s Cafe is a small but popular cafe that happens to be right in between my high school and the preppy private school that all the rich kids go to. Therefore, plenty of 18 year old boys come in each day. I’m hoping Stranger will give himself away by the way he acts, but for all I know he won’t even show up and I’ll be left wondering all day. I’m working at the cash register for most of the day, so I’m in prime position to talk to every boy that comes in. (You know, assuming he’s actually a boy and not an old woman or a supervillain or something.)

The cafe is already bustling when my shift starts. This is when I love this place the most - when every seat is full of people enjoying their food in the warm, comfy cafe. I started working here about a year ago - it was when my father left town for almost a month without telling me where he went. I had to start making some money or else I would starve. I don’t think I was actually qualified to start working here, but Ebb seemed to sense that I desperately needed the job. Ebb is like that - all knowing, and filled to the brim with kindness (and delicious scones). I feel like I owe her a lot because first of all, she introduced me to sour cherry scones (my life has never been the same since), and second of all, Ebb’s Cafe became my home when my actual home didn’t feel like one.

The first teenage boy of the day walks in. I’m not sure exactly how to picture Stranger but this doesn’t seem like him - he’s wearing a basketball uniform and I think I recognize him from a few of my classes. I can’t image Stranger playing basketball for some reason - I guess I’m still thinking of him as a nerd. (He _is_ a nerd, okay?)

Some of the boys come in as groups, and I rule them out because I’m picturing Stranger as a lone ranger.

Penny stops by and I fill her in what’s going on.

“Simon.”

“What?” I ask innocently, handing her the coffee she ordered.

“This is sketchy.”

“It’s _fun._ ” I insist.

She rolls her eyes but agrees to help look out for Stranger and plans to be my backup if, well, he decides to kill me or something. Luckily, she brought her homework she so sets up at a table in the back, eyes glancing upwards whenever someone walks in.

Baz is the thirteenth teenage boy to walk inside.

I was too focused on Stranger to emotionally prepare myself for the thought of Baz showing up today, and my voice fucking cracks when I ask him what he wants to order.

Baz is this guy who started coming to Ebb’s over the summer. I remember the first day he came in clear as day - I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he walked up to the counter. Agatha and I had recently broken up. When I saw Baz, I got butterflies in my stomach for the first time in a long time. He was looking around, gazing up at the menu. It was obviously his first time in the cafe but he looked completely comfortable, like nothing could phase him. He was wearing some posh outfit that I didn’t really focus on because his eyes were much more interesting, a sort of deep, ocean grey.

Unfortunately, it all went downhill when he was a jerk to me.

And that time a few days later when I (accidentally!) spilled his drink on him, and he was an even bigger jerk. I cringe at the memory.

I have resigned to matching his glares with my own and admiring his looks from afar.

Today he orders a double shot hazelnut latte with whipped cream (sweet tooth much?), hardly looking at me before he sits on a barstool at the main counter, basically right next to me. Usually he sits at his own table, but it’s dinner hour and almost every spot is full. I can feel his eyes on me as I run the order to Trixie, who’s on drink duty today.

I really want to pull out my phone and text Stranger, but I have to wait until my dinner break in thirty minutes.

I take another order while Penny raises her eyebrows at me from across the room. She knows about my “crush” on Baz - that’s what _she_ calls it. (It is not a crush.)

Trixie finishes Baz’s latte in record time. I’m glad I didn’t make it, I usually manage to mess something up when it comes to him. I take it from Trix and hand it to Baz, nervously saying, “Here you go.”

To my surprise, he looks up from his laptop and there’s a hint of a smile on his face. “Thanks.”

“Uh,” I stammer, running a hand through my hair. “No problem.”

His smile widens a bit, his eyes are searching mine.

I have to help the next costumer.

Baz turns back to his laptop.

Penny’s eyebrow raising intensifies.

 

When my dinner break finally comes, I sit next to Penny, keeping an eye on the door in case Stranger shows up.

“Did you figure out who Mystery Boy is?” Penny asks, mostly focused on her homework.

I sigh. “I have no clue.”

“Maybe you should text him to see if he’s come or not.” She suggests.

“Perfect idea.” I eagerly pull out my phone. “I’ll be casual about it.”

Penny gives me a doubtful look but doesn’t anything.

 

6:32 pm (Simon Snow)  
**baz showed up today i almost lost my shit**

6:33 pm (EVIL)  
What???

6:34 pm (Simon Snow)  
**he’s this smokin hot guy i think he goes to watford prep cuz he’s Posh**

6:37 pm (EVIL)  
I thought you couldn’t text at work.

6:37 pm (Simon Snow)  
**dinner break!! aka me shoveling scones into my mouth at an alarming rate**  

6:37 pm (EVIL)  
Gross. 

6:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ive been told**

6:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ANYWAYS have u come yet???!**

6:38 pm (EVIL)  
I thought you were gonna be able to tell it was me.

6:39 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i was wrong rip i have no clue**

6:39 pm (Simon Snow)  
**there’s been like 30 teenage boys??? how should i know ?!?!**

6:40 pm (EVIL)  
Maybe you were too distracted with this Baz guy.

6:40 pm (Simon Snow)  
**r u jealous ;))))**

6:40 pm (EVIL)  
No.

6:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**dont b jealous bb <3 he hates me sooo**

6:41 pm (EVIL)  
How do you know?

6:42 pm (Simon Snow)  
**oh boy do i know**

6:42 pm (Simon Snow)  
**the 1st time i took his order i asked for his name and he said baz and i was like “what kind of name is that” in a FRIENDLY JOKING MANNER….**

6:42 pm (EVIL)  
…

6:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and he looked at my name tag and was like “at least its not as unoriginal as simon” with this DEATH GLARE ON HIS FACE**

6:43 pm (EVIL)  
To be fair, you insulted him first.

6:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and NOW every time he comes in i always manage 2 mess up his order and one time i spilled his coffee all over him cuz i was nervous but he thought i did it to spite him or somethin and he yelled at me i wanted 2 cry**

6:45 pm (EVIL)  
…

6:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so ya i have no chance with him also he probably has a gf or somethin**

6:46 pm (EVIL)  
You still like him even though he was rude??

6:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i guess not anymore like NO THANKS even tho he was kinda nice today**

6:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**anyways that was TMI srry. besides i have a new man in my life ;)))**  

6:47 pm (EVIL)  
…

6:47 pm (Simon Snow)  
**STOP DOING DOTS i only have a few minutes left be CONVERASTIONAL**

6:48 pm (EVIL)  
*Conversational.

6:49 pm (Simon Snow)  
**that wasnt very conversational of u**

6:49 pm (EVIL)  
So I came in earlier today...

6:49 pm (Simon Snow)  
**djfskl;fjl;kjfL:KDFJLD:KSJLKjkdf**

6:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**IM SCREAMING idk who u were no one fit the picture in my head**

6:50 pm (EVIL)  
What’s the picture in your head?

6:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**idk just a Generic Teenage Boy but when ur being evil i picture you like… as a mix between doofenshmirtz and megamind**  

6:51 pm (EVIL)  
Remind me again why I haven’t blocked your number? 

6:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**JUST TELL ME WHO U R I HAVE TO BACK TO WORK SOON**

6:52 pm (EVIL)  
No thanks. 

6:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WHYYYYYY**

6:53 pm (EVIL)  
Reasons.

6:53 pm (Simon Snow)  
**why r u so cryptic**

6:54 pm (EVIL)  
Nice word.

6:54 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thnx penny thought of it**

6:54 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im showin her our texts we’re gonna go all mystery gang on ur ass and figure out who u are**

6:54 pm (EVIL)  
Good luck with that.

6:55 pm (Simon Snow)  
**aaand i have to go back to work u will recieve an angry text from me at approximiately 10 pm**

 

11:01 pm (EVIL)  
Did you die?

11:05 pm (Simon Snow)  
**no were u worried about me :)**

11:07 pm (EVIL)  
No, I was just hoping you died so you would finally stop texting me.

11:08 pm (Simon Snow)  
**this is why i call u EVIL**

11:08 pm (Simon Snow)  
**srry i forgot 2 send an angry text i was watching avatar**

11:09 pm (EVIL)  
Did you and Pennsylvania or whatever figure out who I am?

11:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PENNSYLVANIAS KJDLFDSFLKJ**

11:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**no, we’re only a budget mystery gang. fred, shaggy, and daphne are sadly missing from our squad :(**

11:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ig agatha could be daphne but not rlly**

11:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**does it still count as a gang if its only 2 ppl or are we the mystery duo**

11:11 pm (EVIL)  
Do you ever stop talking?

11:11 pm (Simon Snow)  
**irl im actually kinda quiet**  

11:12 pm (EVIL)  
Surprising.

11:12 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i mean not w/ friends but like ya i get flustered easily so**

11:12 pm (Simon Snow)  
**wbu r u rude irl**  

11:15 pm (EVIL)  
I’m not rude, I’m honest.

11:16 pm (Simon Snow)  
**suuuuure**

11:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**sooo lets get 2 know each other**

11:18 pm (EVIL)  
How about… no.

11:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**whats ur fave color**

11:19 pm (EVIL)  
Boring.

11:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**FINE ok im googling “get to know you” questions! i found a gr8 website!!**

11:21 pm (EVIL)  
And you call me a nerd.

11:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so theres 3 different levels of questions: surface level, personal, and VERY personal. u pick.**

11:22 pm (EVIL)  
Surface level.

11:22 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and u call me boring ;)**

11:23 pm (Simon Snow)  
**lol ok one of the questions is “what would you rate 10/10?”**

11:24 pm (EVIL)  
Sleep.

11:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**mood also id rate u 10/10 ;)**

11:25 pm (EVIL)  
That was a boring question too, do another one.

11:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so demanding ;) ;));) ;) ;)0**

11:26 pm (Simon Snow)  
**what age do you wish you could permanently be?**

11:27 pm (EVIL)  
Four. 

11:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i’m v surprised by that answer i feel like i would want to be 21 maybe**

11:28 pm (EVIL)  
What’s your favorite musician/band? 

11:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**R U ON THE WEBSIT E JLSDKF**

11:29 pm (EVIL)  
No, Snow. I’m using my own brain to come up with questions.

11:30 pm (Simon Snow)  
**adfk;dsjl ok um i like troye sivan, marina and the diamonds, and the 1975**

11:30 pm (Simon Snow)  
**also high school musical**

11:31 pm (EVIL)  
I was about to compliment your music taste but you just ruined it.

11:31 pm (Simon Snow)  
**DONT DISRESPECT HSM LIKE THAT**

11:31 pm (Simon Snow)  
**we will have a stern talk about this later MISTER. but wbu**

11:32 pm (EVIL)  
Kind of a mix of everything. I like the stuff you listed but also stuff like Mayday Parade, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, etc.

11:33 pm (Simon Snow)  
**omG UR EMO how did i not realize this sooner?!??!**

11:33 pm (Simon Snow)  
**an emo nerd, cute**

11:34 pm (EVIL)  
...Next Question.

11:35 pm (Simon Snow)  
**rite ok im moving on to the “personal” level so its less boring. what would a book about ur life be titled?**  

11:36 pm (EVIL)  
I honestly can’t come up with anything that sounds good. 

11:36 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ILL GIVE U ONE**

11:36 pm (Simon Snow)  
**how about The Life of Simon Snow’s Evil But Cute Husband**

11:37 pm (EVIL)  
You’re terrible at titles.

11:37 pm (EVIL)  
Yours would be “Simon Snow Attempts To Save The Day”.

11:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**why is that accurate im crying**

11:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so no objections to the husband thing then? ;;;;)))))))**

11:39 pm (EVIL)  
...Next question. 

11:39 pm (Simon Snow)  
**… ;)**

11:40 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ok this one is Deep but when do you feel truly alive?**

11:41 pm (evil husband)  
Never, I’m dead inside.

11:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**BE HONEST**  

11:42 pm (evil husband)  
Fine, I guess when I’m playing violin. Or just listening to music in general. 

11:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**CUTE ok so for me its when im eating sour cherry scones or crying with ebb or like any time im with penny also when i watch hsm**

11:44 pm (evil husband)  
Crying with Ebb?

11:44 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ebb cries a lot its therapeutic**

11:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**if u came with a warning label what would it say**

11:46 pm (evil husband)  
Warning: Unfairly attractive and incredibly smart.

11:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**of course. mine is warning: annoying emotional wreck who falls in love 2 easily**  

11:47 pm (evil husband)  
Are you this honest with everyone?

11:49 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i guess its easier with u bc idk who u are**

11:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**time to move on to the third level, ULTRA MEGA PERSONAL QUESTIONS**  

11:51 pm (evil husband)  
No thanks. 

11:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLSSSSSS**

11:51 pm (evil husband)  
Fine, ask me. But I can’t guarantee I’ll answer.

11:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ok. whats ur biggest fear?**

12:03 am (evil husband)  
Being a disappointment to my mother.

12:06 am (Simon Snow)  
**i think mine is failure. like not amounting 2 anything… or not doing anything worthwhile**  

12:06 am (Simon Snow)  
**we’re a happy bunch**

12:07 am (evil husband)  
You asked.

12:08 am (Simon Snow)  
**do ur religious beliefs align with ur parents?**

12:09 am (evil husband)  
Not at all. That’s not very “ultra mega personal”.

12:09 am (Simon Snow)  
**ok... like how so? what are ur beliefs?**

12:10 am (evil husband)  
I don’t believe in anything. My father is extremely religious and conservative.

12:10 am (Simon Snow)  
**and ur mom?? same as ur dad or?**

12:12 am (evil husband)  
I believe so. But she passed away when I was five.

12:13 am (Simon Snow)  
**oh... shit. im so sorry fuck**

12:14 am (evil husband)  
It’s okay, Snow.

12:15 am (Simon Snow)  
**no really im so sorry.**

12:15 am (evil husband)  
You couldn’t have known, Simon. It’s okay.

12:15 am (Simon Snow)  
**but im still sorry. ill make it up to you ok??**

12:16 am (evil husband)  
Okay. Do your religious beliefs align with your parents?

12:17 am (Simon Snow)  
**idk my dad says he’s christian but he never goes to church. im still figuring mine out ig but i dont believe any church that preaches homophobic bullshit**

12:17 am (Simon Snow)  
**my mom died when i was born but i like to think she would be agnostic or atheist or something**

12:20 am (evil husband)  
I’m sorry Simon.

12:20 am (Simon Snow)  
**its ok <3**

12:20 am (Simon Snow)  
**damn we rlly did get personal huh**

12:21 am (evil husband)  
Yeah.

12:22 am (Simon Snow)  
**do u wanna keep playing the question game or do u wanna sleep**

12:22 am (Simon Snow)  
**its late**

12:23 am (evil husband)  
I’m falling asleep while typing this so I should probably go to bed.

12:23 am (Simon Snow)  
**okie dokie GOODNIGHT U BEAUTIFUL HUMAN**

12:24 am (evil husband)  
You don’t even know what I look like.

12:25 am (Simon Snow)  
**tru but still. wait i have ONE MORE QUESTION then we can sleep**

12:26 am (evil husband)  
Okay. One more. 

12:26 am (Simon Snow)  
**are u ever going to tell me who u are?**

12:28 am (evil husband)  
Eventually. But I think you’ll like me better while I’m anonymous.

12:28 am (Simon Snow)  
**what makes u say that?**

12:30 am (evil husband)  
Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't mean for this to get angsty but it did iM SORRY


	4. vines are gay culture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normal: Baz  
> Bold: Simon  
> Underline: Penny

3:03 am (Simon Snow)  
**hey can i ask u something**

3:03 am (Simon Snow)  
**ur probably asleep but**

3:03 am (Simon Snow)  
**how come u keep texting me ???**

3:04 am (Simon Snow)  
**i mean u act like u hate me most of the time so**

3:04 am (Simon Snow)  
**i mean its fine if u hate me like i get it**

3:04 am (Simon Snow)  
**but why do u keep responding if u do?**  

3:04 am (Simon Snow)  
**and again im really sorry about earlier**

3:04 am (Simon Snow)  
**honestly if u wanna just stop texting me i understand**  


4:41 am (Simon Snow)  
**srry just ignore the previous texts u don’t have to answer all of that i was being weird**  
  


Tuesday morning

 

7:14 am (evil husband)  
I keep responding because you’re an absolute wreck of a human being and it makes me feel better about myself. 

7:14 am (evil husband)  
(Also you’re cute. And I don’t actually hate you.)

7:14 am (evil husband)  
DO NOT respond to that.

7:32 am (Simon Snow)  
**ok im not gonna say anything but like <3<3<3<3<3<3<3**

7:44 am (evil husband)  
Is everything okay though?

7:47 am (Simon Snow)  
**wdym**

7:50 am (evil husband)  
I mean… were you up all night?

7:52 am (Simon Snow)  
**oh ya i was just having multiple existential crises at once**

7:52 am (Simon Snow)  
**but im good now**

7:54 am (evil husband)  
Good. 

7:55 am (Simon Snow)  
**thnx for asking <3**

 

1:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so wyd**

1:28 pm (evil husband)  
I’m in class, aren’t you?

1:29 pm (Simon Snow)  
**yeah but im boredddd**

1:36 pm (evil husband)  
Pay attention in class, Snow.

1:37 pm (Simon Snow)  
**U PAY ATTENTION**

1:38 pm (evil husband)  
I don’t need to. I’m in French class but I’m already fluent in the language.

1:40 pm (Simon Snow)  
**R U SERIOUS DKFLJDSF**

1:40 pm (Simon Snow)  
**say something in french**

1:41 pm (evil husband)  
Tu as de beaux yeux.

1:42 pm (Simon Snow)  
**what does that mean**

1:44 pm (evil husband)  
That’s for me to know and you to never find out.

1:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**jokes on you bud!! my girl penny is taking french :)**

 

1:45 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**hey what does “Tu as de beaux yeux” mean?**

1:46 pm (irl velma)  
You have beautiful eyes. 

1:46 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**aww thanks penny!! ily**

1:46 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**but what does the french mean ??**  

1:47 pm (irl velma)  
Simon.

1:47 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**OHHHHH ADJKSFJKF**

1:47 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**THANK YOU SDLFKLJKDF**

 

1:48 pm (Simon Snow)  
**oh.**

1:48 pm (Simon Snow)  
**you think i have beautiful eyes?**

1:49 pm (evil husband)  
Sorry. Was that weird?

1:49 pm (Simon Snow)  
**NOOOOOO NOT WEIRD IM LITERALLY SWOONING**

1:50 pm (evil husband)  
Oh.

1:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im CRYING BUt I reaLLY WANNA KNOW WHO U ARE NOWWW**

1:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**at least give me a name to call you plzzz**

1:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i can only refer to you by my weird contact names for you its just not working for me**

1:51 pm (evil husband)  
What’s my contact name right now?

1:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**umm...NOTHING**

1:52 pm (evil husband)  
Should I be concerned?

1:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**jSUT TELL ME UR NAME pLEASE pleASE PLEASE plEAse PLEASE lpEAse**  

1:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLESASE PELAE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE**  

1:53 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLEASE**

1:53 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLEAAAASEEE**

1:53 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLES EPLEAE PLAES EPLASE LPEALPELLSE**

1:54 pm (evil husband)  
JESUS SNOW

1:54 pm (evil husband)  
FINE

1:54 pm (evil husband)  
Call me Ty.

1:55 pm (Simon Snow)  
**AAAAAHHH IS THAT UR NAME?? JDKSJFDJSFJL OMG**

1:58 pm (TY)  
Kind of.

1:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**kind of?? are u tyler??? tyson?? ummmm tyrell?**  

1:59 pm (TY)  
None of the above.

2:00 pm (Simon Snow)  
**TYPHOON**

2:00 pm (TY)  
No.

2:00 pm (TY)  
Can you just be happy that I gave you a name?

2:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**yES I AM ETERNALLY GR8FUL TY TY TY TY TY TY**

2:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**TY MY GUY**

2:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**TY SO FLY**

2:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**TY WITH THE PRETTY EYES**

2:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**wow i should be a rapper !!!!!**  

2:02 pm (TY)  
Eternally annoying is what you are. 

2:02 pm (Simon Snow)  
**OH NO**  

2:02 pm (Simon Snow)  
**RED ALERT RED LARTDKJF**

2:04 pm (TY)  
...Everything okay?

 

2:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**my chemistry teacher took my phone away i cant believe this BETRAYAL**

2:51 pm (TY)  
I cannot believe how incompetent you are.

2:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WHATS THAT SUPPOSEDD TO MEAN**

2:55 pm (TY)  
You can’t even text in class without getting caught.

2:57 pm (Simon Snow)  
**LISTEN HERE BUDDY**

2:57 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i was doingn just fine until i started laughing at our conversation !!! i couldnt stop omg everyone was staring at me**

2:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i tried to play it off by saying ionic bonds are funny but mrs bellamy wasnt fooled and she snatched my phone!!!**

2:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**turns out, ionic bonding was like two lessons ago. OOPS**

2:59 pm (TY)  
I apologize for being so hilarious.

3:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**sksksksksksk wrong**

3:02 pm (TY)  
Pardon?

3:02 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i was actually laughing at my own texts**

3:02 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im the funny one in this relationship ty!!**

3:03 pm (TY)  
Debatable.

3:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur the stand-there-and-look-pretty one**

3:04 pm (TY)  
For the thousandth time, you don’t know what I look like.

3:05 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur the stand-there-look-pretty-and-fight-everyone one**

3:06 pm (TY)  
Sounds accurate.

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I JSUST HAD A GREAT IDEA**

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur right, i have no idea what u look like so…**  

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i think this calls for… A SELIFE!!!!**

3:09 pm (TY)  
I’d be happy to oblige but I don’t know what a “selife” is.

3:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**UGHHHH U KNOW WHAT I MEANT**

3:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**lemme try that again… i think this calls for… A SELFIE!**

3:12 pm (TY)  
No thanks.

3:12 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLEASE. ill send u one!!**

3:13 pm (TY)  
I already know what you look like.

3:14 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ya but dont u want a close up look at my beautiful eyes**

3:15 pm (TY)  
Va te faire foutre.

3:15 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i looove when u compliment me in french ;)**

3:16 pm (TY)  
…

3:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WAIT WHAT DOES IT MEAN ???**  

3:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**IM ASKING PENNY**

3:18 pm (TY)  
Just know that I meant it from the bottom of my heart <3

3:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**awwwww!! <3**

 

3:19 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**hey bestie what does “Va te faire foutre” mean**

3:20 pm (irl velma)  
Why???

3:20 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**ty keeps talking in french to me, he’s so romantic <33j;kafjd** 

3:20 pm (irl velma)  
Who the hell is Ty?

3:21 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**stranger danger dude!! he finally gave me a name!!**

3:21 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**so what does the french mean? :)**

3:22 pm (irl velma)  
I’m not your personal translator.

3:22 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**plzzz just tell me!**

3:23 pm (irl velma)  
Go fuck yourself. 

3:23 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**jeez who spit in ur eggnog**

3:24 pm (irl velma)  
One, that’s not even a real idiom. Two, THAT WAS THE TRANSLATION.

3:24 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**IM SORRY SDJFLKDFJD:FDKFSJDKLJ**

 

3:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**stop spitting in my eggnog**

3:25 pm (TY)  
What?

3:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE TO YOU TOO MISTER**

3:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WATCH YOUR PROFANITY**

3:27 pm (TY)  
You literally just used the same profanity??

3:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**iTS A VINE YOU UNCULTURED SPINACH**

3:30 pm (TY)  
Because vines are the pinnacle of culture.

3:31 pm (Simon Snow)  
**eXACTLY**

3:33 pm (TY)  
I was being sarcastic.

3:34 pm (Simon Snow)  
**first high school musical and now this**

3:34 pm (Simon Snow)  
**if you werent a scooby doo fan our relationship could be in serious trouble**

3:35 pm (TY)  
Scooby Doo is on another level.

3:35 pm (Simon Snow)  
**FINALLY something we can agree on**

 

3:36 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**ty doesnt like vine i dont know if i can marry him now**

3:36 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**should we fight him**  

3:37 pm (irl velma)  
I won’t hesitate, bitch 

3:37 pm (Simon Hoe)  
**SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME**

 

10:11 pm (Simon Snow)  
**sooo about that selfie thing**

10:17 pm (TY)  
No.

10:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PLZ**

10:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ill send you five if you send me one**

10:20 pm (TY)  
What makes you think I would want five pictures of you?

10:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**because of my beautiful eyes duh!!!**

10:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**or maybe to use them in some satanic ritual, idk ur hobbies**

10:23 pm (TY)  
I’m not sure I’ve ever even taken a selfie.

10:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**HAHAHAHHADKFJ**

10:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**maybe you really are an old man**

10:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**cant even take a selfie**  

10:25 pm (TY)  
I could take a masterpiece of a selfie if I wanted to, Snow.

10:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**prove it ;)**

10:26 pm (TY)  
I’m going to sleep.

10:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**its only 10:30 old man!!!**

 

11:08 pm (Simon Snow)  
**well you couldve at least said goodnight**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope the french was okay all i have is google translate  
> thank you so much for reading, i hope you're enjoying it so far!


	5. SIMon snow

Wednesday

6:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**good morning ty my guy**

6:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**I HOPE YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL DAY** **  
**

6:02 am (TY)  
I hope you lose your phone today so you can’t wake me up at 6 anymore. 

6:04 am (Simon Snow)  
**wow i love ur good morning texts <3**

6:05 am (TY)  
I’m going back to sleep.

6:06 am (Simon Snow)  
**hey ur the one that left ur sound on so WHOS FAULT IS IT REALLY**

6:06 am (TY)  
Yours.

6:07 am (Simon Snow)  
**fine fine get ur beauty sleep**

6:07 am (Simon Snow)  
**even tho you dont need it ;)**

 

7:35 am (Simon Snow)  
**ARE YOU AWAKE YET**

7:36 am (TY)  
Unfortunately yes. 

7:39 am (Simon Snow)  
**STOP ITS GONNA BE A GOOD DAY**  

7:41 am (TY)  
Unlikely. 

7:42 am (Simon Snow)  
**UR NEGATIVITY WILL NEVER PHASE ME**

7:42 am (Simon Snow)  
**I HAVE WORK OFF TODAY AND ME AND PENNY ARE GONNA HAVE A MOVIE MARATHON AND ITS GOING TO BE THE BEST OF TIMES**  

7:42 am (Simon Snow)  
**I MEAN SHE SAID WE  NEED TO STUDY BUT ILL SOMEHOW CONVINCE HER THAT WATCHING DESCENDANTS 1 AND 2 IS WAY MORE IMPORATNT**  

7:48 am (TY)  
Why are you yelling?

7:50 am (Simon Snow)  
**BECAUSE IM EXCITED BITCH**

7:50 am (Simon Snow)  
**THERES SO MANY WAYS TO BE WICKED DKJFSDDFS**

7:56 am (TY)  
What?

8:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**… you havent seen descendants**

8:03 am (TY)  
I don’t know what that is. 

8:05 am (Simon Snow)  
**ur a monster**  

8:05 am (Simon Snow)  
**U NEED TO EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY OF JAYLOS AND MALVIE**

8:16 am (TY)  
I have no idea what those words mean 

8:21 am (Simon Snow)  
**i mean ben and mal are cute too but MALVIE**

8:21 am (Simon Snow)  
**AND THE SONGS**  

8:21 am (Simon Snow)  
**ICONIC BOPS**  

8:37 am (TY)  
I just looked it up and it looks like a fantasy version of High School Musical. Not promising.

8:40 am (Simon Snow)  
**descendants is my lifeline but it will never be as amazing as hsm tbh**

8:40 am (Simon Snow)  
**BUT YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT TY**

8:40 am (Simon Snow)  
**THAT COULD BE OUR FIRST DATE JSDFLJKSDFJKLSDFJKFJK**

8:44 am (TY)  
If that’s your idea of a date we will be over before we even start.

8:51 am (Simon Snow)  
**ur right ur right high school musical or camp rock are better first date material!!**

8:52 am (TY)  
Never text this number again.

8:55 am (Simon Snow)  
**ok whats ur ideal first date then**

8:58 am (TY)  
Staying home with a good book.

9:07 am (Simon Snow)  
**thats not a date you nerd**

9:10 am (TY)  
Exactly.

9:14 am (Simon Snow)  
**so ur rejecting me :’(**

9:16 am (TY)  
Come to think of it, isn’t it funny that we only met because a girl rejected you?  

9:21 am (Simon Snow)  
**ur right fuck**  

9:21 am (Simon Snow)  
**i cant handle this much rejection my ego is at an all time low**

9:26 am (TY)  
Protip: become so jaded and unfeeling that you never connect with anyone and therefore never have to deal with rejection :) 

9:32 am (Simon Snow)  
**im…**  

9:32 am (Simon Snow)  
**i cant believe the only smiley face youve ever sent me is in that context**

9:35 am (TY)  
:) 

9:44 am (Simon Snow)  
**stop ur making me sad**

9:44 am (Simon Snow)  
**i bet high school musical would melt ur frozen heart <3 just give it a chance ty**

9:45 am (TY)  
Maybe I like my frozen heart.

9:44 am (Simon Snow)  
**im not trying to ask you out again cuz you already said no im just trying to bring some light into ur life with some beautiful cinema !!!**

9:49 am (TY)  
Simon.

9:53 am (Simon Snow)  
**what**

9:55 am (TY)  
…

10:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**whaaaaat**

10:02 am (TY)  
I’m not rejecting you. At all. I just think it’s weird that you want to go on a date when you haven’t even seen me or talked to me in person.  

10:02 am (TY)  
Unless you were joking about the date thing.

10:08 am (Simon Snow)  
**asjkflajkfsddjkff**

10:08 am (Simon Snow)  
**i wasnt joking. and THERES AN EASY SOLUTION FOR THIS**

10:10 am (TY)  
What?

10:15 am (Simon Snow)  
**tell me who you are and then i can see you in person !!!**

 

11:49 am (Simon Snow)  
**ok not to sound desperate or anything but WHY DIDNT YOU REPLY**  

11:57 am (TY)  
Because my answer was going to disappoint you.

12:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**bummer </3**

12:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**we’ll work up to it but for now i have a BRILLIANT idea!!!**

12:13 pm (TY)  
Doubtful.

12:16 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so meeting in person is out**

12:16 pm (Simon Snow)  
**(for the time being)**

12:16 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and im assuming the a selfie is still out of the question ??**  

12:25 pm (TY)  
Correct. 

12:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but**

12:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**what about**

12:29 pm (TY)  
Get on with it, Snow. 

12:30 pm (Simon Snow)  
**A PHONE CALL !!!!!**  

12:35 pm (TY)  
Haha. Real funny.

12:37 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im being serious !!!!**

12:37 pm (Simon Snow)  
**would you answer if i called**

12:41 pm (TY)  
Snow. I’m in class.

12:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**excuses excuses**  

12:47 pm (TY)  
You’re ridiculous. Aren’t you in class? 

12:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ya but FUCK MATH!!!**

12:57 pm (TY)  
You’ve distracted me enough today. I’m not blowing off class to call you. 

1:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im just so distracting arent i ;)**

1:10 pm (TY)  
When you’re constantly sending me annoying texts, yes.

1:11 pm (Simon Snow)  
**since when do you have to pay attention in class i thought you were a genius**  

1:16 pm (TY)  
You’re right. You’re the one that should be avoiding distractions, you need an education more than I do.

1:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**aw ur concerned about my education??! <3**

1:25 pm (TY)  
How do you manage to turn everything I say into the exact opposite of what I meant?

1:26 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im just skilled like that :)**  

1:37 pm (TY)  
That’s one way to put it.

 

1:39 pm (sexy simon)  
**are you ready to cry over dove cameron’s beauty**

1:41 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
When did you change your contact name in my phone to “sexy simon”?

1:42 pm (sexy simon)  
**doesnt it have a nice ring to it**

1:42 pm (sexy simon)  
**i bet ty would think so**

1:47 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
How are things going with him?

1:51 pm (sexy simon)  
**GRAND we’re going to talk on the phone tonight!!!**

1:56 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
I can’t believe he agreed to that. 

1:59 pm (sexy simon)  
**wellll**

1:59 pm (sexy simon)  
**he hasnt exactly agreed yet but I HAVE A PLAN DONT WORRY**

2:03 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
I believe in you! Let me know how it goes. 

2:07 pm (sexy simon)  
**WILL DO btw you never answered my question about crying over dove cameron**  

2:10 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
We need to study, Si.  

2:11 pm (sexy simon)  
**BUT DESCENDANTS**

2:15 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
How about we spend two hours studying and THEN we can cry over Dove Cameron’s beauty :)

2:20 pm (sexy simon)  
**ughhhh studying but i guess we have a deal**

2:22 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
Meet me at my house right now!

2:25 pm (sexy simon)  
**omg but wait i seriously dont feel like studying pennyyyy**

2:31 pm (QUEEN PENNY)  
We get the studying done first. Then we do full choreography to every song in Descendants and annoy the hell out of my entire family. 

2:31 pm (sexy simon)  
**this is why we’re best friends**

 

2:32 pm (Simon Snow)  
**SCHOOLS OUT MOTHERFUCKERS ITS TIME FOR ME TO DANCE SO INTENSELY TO DESCENDANTS THAT MY SOUL ASCENDS FROM MY BODY WHILE CHILLIN LIKE A VILLAIN PLAYS AT FULL VOLUME**  

2:33 pm (TY)  
Are you okay

2:33 pm (Simon Snow)  
**NEVER BETTER**

2:35 pm (TY)  
Are you any good at dancing? 

2:36 pm (Simon Snow)  
**no im an embarrassment but ive watched every single descendants dance tutorial on youtube and im READY**  

2:40 pm (TY)  
I almost want to come just to watch you embarrass yourself. 

2:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**COME ALONG**

2:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**IM SURE PENNY WONT MIND LETTING A COMPLETE STRANGER IN HER HOUSE**

2:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I do mind, actually. -Penny**

2:42 pm (TY)  
I said *almost*. Aren’t you supposed to be studying, Snow?

2:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**DONT REMIND HER**  

2:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**GREAT PENNYS TAKING AWAY MY PHONE SO WE CAN STUDY**  

2:43 pm (TY)  
I’m just so distracting aren’t I ;)

2:44 pm (Simon Snow)  
**OH MY GOD DID YOU JUST**

2:44 pm (Simon Snow)  
**JDFKS:FJDFDSJFL**  

2:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**Simon is blushing. And I’m actually taking his phone now, bye Ty. :) -Penny**

 

8:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I OWE KENNY ORTEGA MY LIFE**  

8:03 pm (TY)  
Did your soul ascend from your body?

8:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ABSOLUTELY**  

8:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**PENNY GOT ME DANCING ON VIDEO WANNA SEE?**

8:06 pm (TY)  
Honestly, yes.

8:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**[Video sent.]**  

8:09 pm (TY)  
OH MY GOD

8:09 pm (TY)  
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING 

8:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**stop this slander im an amazing dancer**

8:11 pm (TY)  
THAT IS NOT DANCING

8:11 pm (TY)  
You know when Sims dance? You look like that but with a lot more enthusiasm.

8:11 pm (TY)  
And why are you screaming?

8:13 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im SINGING NOT SCREAMING WTF**

8:14 pm (TY)  
I can’t believe you dance like a sim. I didn’t know I needed this information.

8:14 pm (TY)  
SIMon snow

8:15 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i hate u**

8:15 pm (TY)  
It’s mutual.

8:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ANYWAY im home from pennys now, you know what that means!!**

8:20 pm (TY)  
Do I?

8:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**TIME FOR OUR PHONE CALL!!**

8:23 pm (TY)  
Hmm, I don’t recall agreeing to a phone call.

8:23 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WELL TOO BAD BUDDY**

 

_[8:23 pm: Incoming call from Simon Snow]_

 

8:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**you didnt pick up**

8:26 pm (TY)  
Are you surprised?

8:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**call now and you will receive simon snow’s love and affection!!**  

8:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**a limited time offer!**

8:28 pm (TY)  
Oh my god, Snow.

8:29 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but wait! there’s more!**

8:29 pm (Simon Snow)  
**call in the next five minutes and we’ll throw in a free drink of your choosing at ebb’s cafe!**

8:30 pm (TY)  
You think you’re hilarious, don’t you?

8:32 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and thats not all!**

8:32 pm (Simon Snow)  
**call now to receive a bonus selfie and more videos of simon snow dancing! dont miss out on this very limited offer!**  

8:34 pm (TY)  
Are you 12? 

8:35 pm (Simon Snow)  
**you must be 18 or older to call!**

 

_[8:36 pm: Incoming call from TY]_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!  
> i'm so so sorry for the long wait. college has completely taken over my life :( i'm debating between putting this on hiatus until i have time to consistently update or just continuing to update whenever i can. let me know what you would prefer and what you thought of this chapter! thanks for reading!


	6. did you just hang up on me?

**BAZ**

One moment I’m grinning at Simon’s last message, and then I’m pressing the ‘call’ button as if my finger has a mind of its own. There’s a reason why I said no to a phone call. Multiple reasons. Because talking on the phone is harder than texting. Because I won’t know what to say. Because Simon likes Ty but hates Baz and I’m not exactly sure what’s going to happen when he finds out we’re the same person. But I can’t bring myself to end the call and block his number like I should have done days ago. There’s something about Simon that makes me hesitate to let him go just yet.

The phone only rings once before he picks up, giving me no time to prepare myself. Hearing his voice on the other end is surreal. “Ty?”

I’ve heard Simon’s voice before. At the cafe, when he’s taken my order or delivered a drink to me. But for some reason, hearing him hesitantly say my name over the phone makes me forget that I’m supposed to respond like a normal fucking human being.

“Ty?” He asks again. “Are you there?”

“Yeah. Hey.” My voice comes out quieter than I mean it to.

Simon giggles for some reason, which is annoyingly cute. “Hi. Wow. I can’t believe you called.”

I’m pacing across my room with a tight grip on my phone, trying not to sound as nervous as I feel. There’s something so much more vulnerable about talking to him over the phone. “Neither can I, honestly.”

“This is so weird, you’re like... a real person!”

With a steadier voice, I ask, “What were you expecting, a robot?”  
Simon groans but I have a feeling he’s smiling. “So, where are you right now?”  
“Don’t be creepy, Snow.”

“I’m not asking for your address.” He huffs. “I’m just trying to picture you. Like, are you at home? Are you in an alley drinking the blood of your enemies?”

I have to hold back a laugh, and I can’t help but wonder, _what is this boy doing to me_? I’ve hardly even sent him smileys faces over text, and I absolutely refuse to give up a physical laugh just yet. “Yes, actually. How did you guess?”

It seems like Simon has no objections to laughing. He chuckles again, a light and airy laugh, and _no, I am not blushing._ “But really. Where are you?”  
“In my room.”

“Me too!” He responds enthusiastically.

“Wow,” I mock his excited tone, “We have so much in common!”

Simon giggles again. (Does this boy ever stop laughing?) “I’m not sure we do, actually.”

“You’re right, I have a better taste in movies.”

“You’re also better looking.”

I blink. “Do you realize how ridiculous you are? Or do you just live in a state of ignorant bliss?”

“Somehow I manage a mixture of both.”

“At least you admit it.” I fall down onto my bed, beginning to feel comfortable with talking to Simon. Texting him is always easy. It always feels so natural, and it’s hard to imagine a time when I won’t be texting him every day. I can’t even think about that yet.

Simon is talking again, unaware of the conflicting thoughts circling around in my head. “You’re the one who actually knows what both of us look like, so what do you think?”

“We look absolutely _nothing_ alike.” Come to think of it, we might as well be complete opposites. Simon has light skin, dotted with moles and freckles. Mine skin is darker and smooth. Simon has soft features and light blue eyes, while I have a longer, sharper face and grayish brown eyes. Don’t even get me started on our hair.

Most of all, Simon is the kind of person you just can’t look away from.

“Seriously?” He asks. “Details please.”

“Think of the exact opposite of yourself.” I respond. “That would be me.”

“Opposites attract then, huh?” Simon pauses for a second, and then adds, “I’m doing suggestive eyebrow raises right now. Just so you know.”

“I’m rolling my eyes right now. Just so you know.”

Simon hums. “I think we need to facetime. So I can get the full effect of your eyerolls.”

I imagine facetiming Simon and watching as he sees my face and realizes who I actually am. _Probably not the best idea._ “Maybe another day.”

“Really?”

“No.”

Simon sighs.

“You know,” I change the subject, “you owe me more dancing videos. And what else did you offer in exchanged for a call?”

“A selfie.”

“Lucky me.” My tone sounds sarcastic, but I think I actually mean it. (Simon does not need to know that.)

“Oh!” Simon exclaims. “ _And_ a free drink at the Cafe, but you’d have to reveal yourself for that.”

“Tempting.”

“Really?”

“No. But I do expect you to send me the dancing videos promptly after we end this phone call.”

Once again, Simon’s voice takes on a flirty tone. “ _And_ the selfie?”

“If you insist.” I say dramatically, but I’m grinning.

“I think I also offered my endless love and affection. You know, if that’s something that interests you.”

I can’t help it. Simon manages to sound flirtatious and completely genuine at the same time, and I can’t help but take him seriously despite the fact that he has no idea who I really am. “Hm.” I pretend to consider it. “That could potentially be interesting.”

“Okay,” I can hear the smile in Simon’s voice. “Endless love and affection starting now. You have a really nice voice, by the way.”

I wasn’t expecting that. “Oh, I- thanks?”

“Sorry. Was that weird?”

Quickly, I respond, “No.”

He continues, “Your voice sounds familiar, kind of. I just can’t picture your face.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. The more I hear you talk…” Simon pauses. “It’s _really_ familiar.”

 

***

 

8:41 pm (Simon Snow) **  
DID YOU JUST HANG UP ON ME**

8:42 pm (TY)  
……

8:42 pm (Simon Snow) **  
TY**

8:42 pm (Simon Snow)  
**YOU HUNG UP ON ME**

8:42 pm (Simon Snow)  
**HAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHAA**  

8:43 pm (TY)  
I panicked

8:43 pm (Simon Snow)  
**CAN I CALL BACK**

8:44 pm (TY)  
Ugh

8:44 pm (TY)  
Fine

_[8:45 pm: Incoming call from Simon Snow]_

 

***

  


**BAZ**

I take a deep breath before picking up the phone. “Hi.”

I doubt Simon even hears me, because he’s laughing so loudly I have to turn my volume down.

“Snow?”

No response, just laughter.

“I’m gonna hang up again.”

“Don’t you-” Simon pauses to laugh some more. I can almost picture him, a warm smile on his face, eyes lit up and shining. “-dare!”

As if I was ever going to actually hang up and deprive myself the joy of hearing Simon laugh. (Even if he’s laughing at me. Even if he almost realized who I am.) “Is there a hyena in your room? Should I call for help?”

“Okay,” Simon takes a shaky breath. “Sorry-” Another breath, as if he’s holding back more giggles. “I’m good. Sorry about my hyena laugh.”

“I was kidding.” I say. My heart beats unevenly as I continue, “I really like your laugh.”  
To my surprise, there’s silence on the other end.

“Uh, hello? Are you there?”

Nothing.

 

***

 

8:49 pm (TY)  
Uhhhh

8:49 pm (TY)  
Did you hang up?

8:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**IM SORRY SJDFSJFLDDJLF**

8:50 pm (TY)  
???

8:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**U CANT JUST SAY STUFF LIKE THAT** ****

8:51 (TY)  
What?

8:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**“i really like your laugh” jdsksdfjsfdsfsffdsjkl**

8:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**how could u do this**

8:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**making me blush like that**

8:52 pm (Simon Snow)  
**unfair**

8:53 pm (TY)  
You say stuff like that to me all the time.

8:53 pm (Simon Snow)  
**so**

8:54 pm (TY)  
So you can dish it out but you can’t take it. Good to know.

8:54 pm (Simon Snow)  
**s t o p**

8:55 pm (TY)  
I’m gonna call back.

8:56 pm (Simon Snow)  
**okay**

_[8:56 pm: Incoming call from TY]_

 

***

 

**BAZ**

Simon picks up right away. “We’re really bad at this whole talking on the phone thing, aren’t we?”

“Terrible.”

He giggles. (As usual.) “Imagine us trying to talk in person.”

“That would be a trainwreck.”

“Technically…” Simon starts, hesitantly, “We have talked in person, right?”

“Yes.” We have. A few times. Usually it’s just Simon taking my order, nothing very memorable, although the first time we talked was catastrophic. I didn’t make the best first impression.

I can tell Simon is curious. “How does that usually go?”

“Fine. I don’t know.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little unfair that you know who I am, but I have no idea who you are?” He says it in a lighthearted way, but I still feel guilty.

“I mean… yeah.” I murmur. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re gonna tell me eventually, right?”

“Of course.”

“Are you just really shy? Or is there another reason you don’t want to tell me?”

“I-” My first instinct is to lie, but Simon has always been so open with me. I want to be honest with him. “Well… what we have right now is… good. I don’t want to mess it up.”

Simon hums. “I like what we have right now.”

“Me too.” _I really. Like it._

“But I don’t think finding out who you are will ruin it.” Simon states with a gentle voice.

“It might.”

“How come?”

I don’t know how to answer that. “It might.”

“You know you can trust me, yeah?” He asks, with detectable worry in his tone. “And I won’t ever judge you?”

“I know, Simon.”

“Good.”

“So, you’re not mad?” I ask nervously.

“Of course I’m not mad.” Simon replies, and I know he means it. “So, got any big plans for the night?”

I’m grateful for the subject change. “Yeah. With my bed.”

“Oooooooh,” He responds. “Steamy.”

“Jesus, Snow, not like that.” I groan, but I’m holding back laughter. “I never want to hear you say the word ‘steamy’ again.”

“Steeeeaaaammmyyyyy.”

“Sorry, you’re breaking up, I can’t hear you-”

He begins chanting, “Steamy. Steamy. Steamy. Steamy.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re an actual child?”

“You have. Plenty of times.”

“Clearly not enough.” I complain. “You and my younger sister would get along perfectly.”

I was not expecting Simon to let out a squeal, but he did just that. “Awww, you have a little sister!”

“Yeah,” I reply, “She’s almost as annoying as you.”

“I bet she’s adorable.”

“A little bit.” I have to hold back from saying, _not nearly as adorable as you._

“Do you have any other siblings?”

“Yeah. And a cat.”

“A cat!” Simon squeals again. “What’s their name?”

“...His name is Prince Leonardo Crescendo the Third. Leo for short.”

Simon lets out a choked laugh. “Oh my god. What.”

“I was eight!”

“You named your cat... Crescendo?”

“I was _eight._ ” I protest. “And I had just started music lessons. I thought it sounded cool.”

He’s still laughing. “You gave your cat the most pretentious fucking name on the planet.”

“It’s very fitting, for the most pretentious fucking cat on the planet.”

“OhmygodIlovehimIwanttomeethim,” Simon says, all in one breath.

Suddenly I’m curious about Simon’s family life, about everything. It’s funny how I feel like I know him so well, yet we hardly know anything about each other. “What about you? Any siblings? Pets?”

“Nope.” Simon says, popping the ‘p’. “Just me. But Penny is basically my sister. And she has two dogs who are my actual babies.”

“I’m not sure how that’s possible.”

“They’re my babies, Ty.” He responds, completely serious.

“Uh huh.”

“Anyway,” Simon changes the subject again, “You didn’t ask me if I had any plans for tonight.”

“Was I supposed to?”

“I asked you. It’s only fair.”

I roll my eyes. “What are your plans for tonight?”

“Well, I actually finished my homework and studied for my math test, thanks to Penny.” He says. “And I’m kind of worn out from all that dancing from earlier. So I was thinking I might actually… sleep?”

“Shocking.”

“Right? Although, I could just stay up and marathon the High School Musical movies for the forty-seventh time.”

“Sleep is a basic human necessity, Snow.”

“So is-”

I cut him off. “Don’t say High School Musical.”

Simon lets out an exasperated breath, and then says, “You called me Simon before.”

“Did I?”

“Yes.”

“You did.” Simon insists. “You _do._ Sometimes.”

“Why does it matter, Snow _?”_

“It sounds nice. When you say it.” He replies, his voice a little strained, as if he’s nervous. “When you say my name, I mean.”

I’m blushing again. “Snow is your name.”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I’m uncharacteristically clueless. Please, elaborate, _Simon_.”

I shouldn’t be surprised when Simon starts laughing uncontrollably, but I am. He giggles for a few seconds, and then takes a breath. “You’re funny.”

“I’ve been told.”

He chuckles again. “Okay. I think I should hang up for real now. Before I say something even more stupid. Thanks for… you know, for calling.”

I clear my throat. I don’t know why I’m self conscious again. “Yeah. Sure. Get some sleep tonight, okay?”

I can hear the smile in his voices when he says, “Okay. Bye, Ty.”

 

***

 

9:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**that was good!!**

9:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**that was good right??**

9:08 pm (TY)  
That was not as awkward as I was expecting.

9:08 pm (Simon Snow)  
**that was GOOD**

9:08 pm (Simon Snow)  
**we should do it again**  

9:08 pm (Simon Snow)  
**immediately**

9:09 pm (TY)  
Ha. I think that was enough for one night.

9:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**fiiiine**

9:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**you know i kept trying to make you laugh while we talked**

9:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but you never did**  

9:12 pm (TY)  
...Oh

9:12 pm (TY)  
I got pretty close. 

9:13 pm (Simon Snow)  
**really???**

9:14 pm (TY)  
You didn’t hear this from me, but you’re actually funny sometimes. In a his-jokes-suck-but-its-kind-of-endearing way.

9:14 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i’m taking a screenshot of that message so i can print it out and put it on my wall, where it will reside forever**

9:15 pm (TY)  
Among the High School Musical posters?

9:15 pm (Simon Snow)  
**HOW DID U KNOW**

9:15 pm (TY)  
Please tell me you’re joking.

9:15 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im joking**  

9:16 pm (TY)  
Thank god.

9:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**mostly**

9:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im mostly joking**

9:17 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ok there’s just this one troy bolton poster**

9:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but like**

9:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**zefron**

9:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**can u blame me?**

9:19 pm (TY)  
That was an unnecessary amount of texts. And yes, I can and will blame you.

9:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ILL SHOW U** ****

9:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**AN UNNESSARSYR**

9:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**AMOUNT**

9:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**OF**

9:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**TEXTS**

9:20 pm (TY)  
S

9:20 pm (TY)  
T

9:20 pm (TY)  
O

9:20 pm (TY)  
P 

9:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**no**  

9:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**omg speaking of zefron…. have u seen the greatest showman?**

9:23 pm (TY)  
Regrettably, yes.

9:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**JKSDLFJKDSF HAHAHAH**

9:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**admit it, u liked it**

9:25 pm (TY)  
Some of the songs weren’t that bad.

9:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**did u cry**  

9:25 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i cried**

9:26 pm (TY)  
I did not cry.

9:26 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur heart is made of ice**

9:26 pm (TY)  
I know.

9:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im gunna send u the selfies and videos n stuff now :)**

9:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**[Video Sent]**

9:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**[Video Sent]**

9:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**[Image Sent]**

9:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**[Image Sent]**

 

***

 

**BAZ**

Each video is a snippet of Simon horrendously dancing to songs from that disastrous excuse of a Disney Channel movie and singing at the top of his lungs, with someone, presumably Penny, laughing so hard that the camera shakes as she films. Penny continuously makes remarks about the movie or Simon’s dance moves, and he turns toward the camera, either rolling his eyes, laughing, or bursting into another terrible dance. He looks happy.

And then there’s the selfies…

I actually have to catch my breath, because Simon is unbelievably photogenic. The first picture is him looking into the camera with a small smile, his ridiculous curls falling over his forehead. His face is covered in various moles and freckles, and his head is turned ever so slightly to reveal two moles below his ear. The blue color of his eyes is unremarkable, yet I find myself unable to look away. The second picture is a selfie with Penny. She’s smiling at him with an exasperated but fond expression, and he’s mid laugh, cheeks red and face glowing. It’s like Simon is an unassuming masterpiece, someone who becomes more radiant the more you look.

 

***

 

9:35 pm (Simon Snow)  
**hello r u out there**

9:35 pm (Simon Snow)  
**did u like the videos?!?!**

9:38 pm (TY)  
They were incredibly entertaining.

9:40 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im very fun to watch movies with**

9:40 pm (Simon Snow)  
**we should do it sometime !!**

9:41 pm (TY)  


I think I would be watching you rather than the movie.

9:42 pm (Simon Snow)  
**oh?!? ;)**

9:44 pm (TY)  
Snow. 

9:44 pm (Simon Snow)  
**LET ME LIVE**

9:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**also i need to hear ur thoughts on the selfies asap**

9:48 pm (TY)  
Um

9:49 pm (Simon Snow)  
**D:**

9:49 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WERE THEY REALLY THAT BAD I PICKED MY BEST PICTURES JKDFLFSKJFD**  

9:52 pm (TY)  
No.

9:52 pm (TY)  
Fuck

9:52 pm (TY)  
Snow

9:53 pm (Simon Snow)  
**W H AT**

9:55 pm (TY)  
You’re very photogenic. And the selfies were worth every single awkward moment from the phone call.

9:55 pm (TY)  
I’m going to sleep now.

9:56 pm (Simon Snow)  
**DJFLSDKJFLKSJFDLKJF**

9:56 pm (Simon Snow) **  
** **DJFLKJFDKLJFJFLDJFDKJFDLKJF**

9:56 pm (Simon Snow) **  
** **JKFDLSJFKJkfldsjfdkdlkFJ**

9:57 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WAIT ITS MUCH TOO EARLY TO SLEEP U CANT JUST LEAVE**

10:05 pm (Simon Snow)  
**smh.**

 

 

11:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur definitely asleep by now**

11:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but i wanted to say i had a lot of fun today**

11:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and i really like talking to you :)**

 

***

 

**BAZ**

I am so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well it took me 7 months, but i'm back!!  
> comments and kudos are appreciated, and please feel free to let me know what you want to see in future chapters, it might help my unending writers block with this fic.  
> thanks so much for reading!
> 
> my twitter: @waywardbaz


	7. flowers and jeans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a soft chapter for all of your uwus

(One week later)

 

6:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**todays going to be a gr8 day i can feel it !!!**

6:08 am (Ty)  
I don’t want to deal with your annoying optimism this early in the morning.

6:10 am (Simon Snow)  
**SCROOGE**

6:31 am (Ty)  
I had to wake up early for practice. Let me be miserable.

6:34 am (Simon Snow)  
**practice ???**

6:34 am (Simon Snow)  
**what practice ???**  

6:35 am (Ty)  
Guess.

6:36 am (Simon Snow)  
**NERD PRACTICE**

6:38 am (Ty)  
I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing.

6:39 am (Simon Snow)  
**CHESS TEAM PRACTICE DSJFDLJKF** ****

6:40 am (Ty)  
There’s nothing wrong with chess.

6:41 am (Simon Snow)  
**OMG U REALLY ARE AT CHESS PRACTICE NERD ALERT NERD ALERT** ****

6:43 am (Ty)  
I should have known you would have no appreciation for chess.

6:43 am (Ty)  
Also, I was at sports practice.

6:44 am (Simon Snow)  
**ur lying**

6:44 am (Simon Snow)  
**there’s nothing shameful about being nerdy ty i think its cute :)**

6:45 am (Ty)  
I am proudly a nerd as well as fucking incredible at soccer, but thanks for the reassurance.

6:46 am (Simon Snow)  
**SOCERR ERJEFSklfd**

6:46 am (Simon Snow)  
**DO YOU PLAY FOR THE SCHOOLS TEAM** ****

6:49 am (Ty)  
I’m not volunteering any more information.

6:50 am (Simon Snow)  
**IM GOING TO FIND OUT IF THERES A TY ON BERKLEY HIGH SCHOOLS SOCCER TEAM**

6:50 am (Simon Snow)  
**I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY**

6:56 am (Ty)  
There are so many hours left in this day, Snow. Don’t get your hopes up. 

6:57 am (Simon Snow)  
**[INSERT MEAN FRENCH SWEARS HERE]**

6:58 am (Ty)  
Too lazy to scroll up and copy them?

7:00 am (Simon Snow)  
**you got me there** ****

***

 

10:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**update. i was wrong.**

10:01 am (Simon Snow)  
**i was terribly wrong**  

10:05 am (Ty)  
Of course you were. 

10:05 am (Ty)  
Wrong about what exactly?

10:06 am (Simon Snow)  
**today has not been a great day**

10:08 am (Ty)  
[Insert obligatory “I told you so” here.] 

10:09 am (Simon Snow)  
**u are a cruel human being**

10:10 am (Ty)  
I know <3

 

***

 

2:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**you owe me a selfie after the day i’ve had**

2:55 pm (Ty)  
I don’t think it works like that.

2:56 pm (Simon Snow)  
**well IT SHOULD**

2:56 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i just want to go home, cry for 17 hours, watch high school musical, and eat so many scones that i spontaneously combust, you feel?**

2:57 pm (Ty)  
Nope. Can’t relate.

2:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**BUT NO, I CANT DO THAT BC I HAVE TO GO TO STUPID WORK**

2:59 pm (Ty)  
Call in sick.

2:59 pm (Simon Snow)  
**DONT ENCOURAGE ME TO LIE, SATAN**

3:00 pm (Ty)  
...

3:00 pm (Ty)  
I thought you liked your job.

3:01 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I DOOO IVE JUST HAD A SHITTY DAY AND I DONT FEEL LIKE IT**

3:03 pm (Ty)  
What happened?

3:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ohhh let me tell u**

3:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**first i literally fell on my face when i walked into homeroom??? and everyone laughed?? so that was grand.**

3:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**(DONT LAUGH AT ME TY I WILL CRY)**  

3:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**then i got to math and realized i forgot to bring the assignment that i spent hours on**  

3:04 pm (Simon Snow)  
**then after chemistry mrs bellamy asked if she could Talk with me and i knew that couldnt be good**

3:05 pm (Simon Snow)  
**turns out she’s worried about my grades cuz im failing and like IM WORRIED TOO MY DUDE but i dont understand chemistyr**

3:05 pm (Simon Snow)  
**im way behind in that class and its been stressing me out and she was trying to help but it made me even more stressed like i almost cried for some reason?? that would have been embarrassing… i said something about being stupid and she said im not stupid im just a slow learner but i feel so stupid**

3:05 pm (Ty)  
She’s right. You aren’t stupid.

3:06 pm (Simon Snow)  
**:(**  

3:06 pm (Ty)  
Just because chemistry isn’t your best subject doesn’t mean you’re stupid. 

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i dont even have a best subject**

3:06 pm (Simon Snow)  
**anyway… at lunch my ex started talking to me out of nowhere and it was rlly awkward its like we both want to just be friends again but we ruined evrything by dating and now its just,,, yikes**

3:06 pm (TY)  
Damn.

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**oh thats not the end**

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**when i got home from school my dad basically interrogated me about my grades and it turned into an argument**

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**then i actually did cry (after he was finished yelling at me and drove off to who knows where)**

3:07 pm (Simon Snow)  
**aaaand now im at work but i just want to 1. cry more 2. hsm 3. scones 4. spontaneously combust**

3:08 pm (Ty)  
That sucks. I’m really sorry Simon.

3:09 pm (Simon Snow)  
**no im sorry for dumping all of this on you**

3:11 pm (Ty)  
It’s okay.

3:11 pm (Ty)  
I don’t think it’s wrong to call in sick if you really can’t handle going to work.

3:13 pm (Simon Snow)  
**we’re already understaffed today and i dont want to call in sick when my shift starts in 15 minutes ughhhhh**

3:15 pm (Simon Snow)  
**srry i know im supposed to be the Happy one**

3:16 pm (Ty)  
Does that make me the Sad one? Because I feel like that's inaccurate.

3:18 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur the emo one duh**

3:19 pm (Ty)  
I thought I was a nerd?

3:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**emo nerd**

3:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**and idk WHAT to do with the information that you play soccer**

3:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**this is life changing honestly**

3:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**are you good at it ?!**

3:25 pm (Ty)  
Exceptionally so.

3:27 pm (Simon Snow)  
**of course you are smh**

3:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i have to start my shift now :’(**

3:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ill text you on my break at 6**

3:29 pm (Ty)  
I have a feeling your day is going to get a lot better.

3:29 pm (Simon Snow)  
**positivity?? from you???**

3:29 pm (Simon Snow)  
**you must really pity me rn that wasnt what i was going for i just needed to vent, sorry**

3:29 pm (Simon Snow)  
**gtg**

3:31 pm (Ty)  
No need to be sorry.

  
***

3:46 pm (Baz)  
I need a favor.

3:49 pm (Niall)  
_...what is it?_

  
  
***

 

**SIMON**

I can’t help but let out a sigh after handing another complicated order to Keris. My shift has been long and busy, and I still feeling stupid for dumping all of my insignificant troubles on Ty. I know I’m just being dramatic, and that other people have it worse, but sometimes I have these days where it feels like everything’s caving in on me. I’ve got ten minutes until my break, and I keep glancing at the clock, counting down the seconds. There are freshly baked sour cherry scones calling my name, and they might be the only reason I’ve had enough motivation to get through work.

My mind goes completely blank when Baz walks in through the cafe door. He’s looking as cool as ever with his impeccable style and perfect hair, but there’s something different about him as well. After a few moments of staring I realize that it’s his outfit -- instead of his usual school uniform, he’s wearing a nice blue button down shirt and… jeans. Dark jeans that fit as if they were tailored just for him, snug around his hips and ankles without being too tight. Even in casual clothes, he still stands out from everyone around him.

 _He’s wearing jeans._ I try to get my shit together as he stares at the menu, but his gaze promptly falls on me and he moves closer to the counter. He must notice something in my expression, because his look falters and he asks, “Is something wrong?”

“No, uh, nothing, it’s just-- you’re…” I stammer like an idiot before blurting out, “You’re wearing jeans.”

He blinks, looking bewildered. “Is that… a problem?”

 _Yes._ “No.”

It’s a chilly September day, which must be the only reason that Baz’s cheeks are tinted pink. I don’t allow myself to explore the alternative. He clears his throat. “Okay, then.”

“You usually wear a school uniform.” I say with a weak voice, and I don’t know whether or not it helps my case or makes me sound even creepier. “Um, so, what can I get for you?”

Baz purses his lips, almost like he’s holding back a smile, which isn’t even close to the reaction I was expecting. “I don’t know, do you have any recommendations?”

“Oh, sour cherry scones.” My answer is so immediate that I’m almost embarrassed.

He nods. “One of those, then. And a hazelnut latte.”

My face is still burning as he pays and sits at a table in the corner. I have to help another customer, and Trixie ends up delivering Baz’s food, so I’m free from whatever catastrophe would’ve come from trying to talk him again.

After the longest ten minutes of my life, I sit down for my break. I’m across the room from Baz, who has a textbook and homework laid out in front of him but is typing on his phone instead. Tearing my eyes away from him, I focus on the scones I’ve been waiting all day for. I’m itching to text Ty, and I should probably check in with Penny, too. I’m sure she’s concerned about the six sad faces I sent her before my shift started, but _sour cherry scones._

I’ve finished off a third scone when I notice someone standing over me. I look up to see a boy about my age, with pale skin and unruly reddish brown hair. He’s holding a large bouquet of red roses, and he’s blushing furiously. When we meet eyes he says, “Um. Hey.”

My heartbeat speeds up. “...Hi.”

“These are for you,” He says, handing me the flowers, and then a note, adding, “And this.”

Before I lose the courage, I hesitantly ask, “Ty?”

“I’m just the delivery boy.” He answers, flashing me a kind smile. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“It’s-- no, it’s okay. Thanks, for, uh… you know.”

“Yeah,” He says awkwardly, still looking slightly nervous. “Well, uh, enjoy… you know.”

“Yeah.” I repeat.

With that, he leaves the cafe, and I can’t help but wonder if it really was Ty. It’s not how I imagined him, but it’s not like I’ve had anything to go off of. Curiously, I lay the flowers down on the table and open up the note.

 

_Simon,_

_I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day. I’m probably shit when it comes to comforting you, but I wanted to do something to show I was thinking about you, hence the cheesy romantic gesture. I know we haven’t known each other for long but you mean a lot to me, even if I never do a good job of making that clear. I hope you know that you can always talk to me, and you don’t have to feel guilty for venting about a bad day. And I hope you’re feeling better. If you prefer chocolate over roses, that can also be arranged._

_-Ty_

 

I grin, and I don’t even care that Trixie and Keris are giving me suggestive eyebrow raises from the counter.

 

***

 

6:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i gotta get back to work soon but holy shit ty**

6:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**that was the sweetest thing ever i cant stop smiling**  

6:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thank you <3**

  
  
***

 

6:22 pm (Niall)  
_that was the weirdest thing you’ve ever had me do_

6:23 pm (Baz)  
I owe you.

6:25 pm (Niall)  
_are you going to explain why you had me deliver flowers to a boy while you sat in the corner and stared like a creep?_

6:25 pm (Niall)  
_and why did i have specific instructions not to look at or talk to you?_

6:25 pm (Niall)  
_what the fuck baz??_

6:26 pm (Baz)  
You did what I asked. Now I owe you a favor. Can we leave it at that?

6:27 pm (Niall)  
_you know you can tell me stuff, right? we’re supposed to be friends_

6:28 pm (Baz)  
It’s really not a big deal.

6:28 pm (Niall)  
_then you can tell me_

6:28 pm (Niall)  
_i have so many questions_

6:30 pm (Baz)  
Fine. What?

6:31 pm (Niall)  
_why didn’t you just give him the flowers_

6:31 pm (Niall)  
_emphasis on him_

6:31 pm (Niall)  
_a boy._

6:31 pm (Niall)  
_and why did he think i was someone named ty_

6:33 pm (Baz)  
Ty as in Tyrannus.

6:34 pm (Niall)  
_thats_

6:34 pm (Niall)  
_not even how tyrannus is pronounced_

6:37 pm (Baz)  
Gee, I had no idea. Thanks for letting me know, Niall.

6:39 pm (Niall)  
_oooook back to my other questions,,,, who was that and why did i (you?) give him roses_

6:41 pm (Baz)  
A friend. He was having a bad day.

6:43 pm (Niall)  
_that answers none of my questions but thats uncharacteristically sweet of you baz......_

6:43 pm (Niall)  
_the last time i had a bad day you probably told me to fuck off_

6:45 pm (Baz)  
Fuck off Niall

6:47 pm (Niall)  
_this is the thanks i get_

6:49 pm (Baz)  
I can explain at lunch tomorrow, just don’t tell anyone about this, okay?

6:51 pm (Niall)  
_about which part?_  

6:52 pm (Baz)  
The part where he’s a boy. All of it. I don’t know.

6:55 pm (Niall)  
_hey, the part where he’s a boy doesn’t matter_

6:55 pm (Niall)  
_that’s ok baz._

6:55 pm (Niall)  
_if anyone tells you it isn’t, they’ll hear from me, yeah?_

6:55 pm (Niall)  
_but i won’t tell anyone_

6:59 pm (Baz)  
Ugh

6:59 pm (Baz)  
Stop being a good friend, it’s weird.

7:01 pm (Niall)  
_LMAO_

7:01 pm (Niall)  
_so_

7:01 pm (Niall)  
_does mystery boy also like boys_

7:03 pm (Baz)  
I’m not having this conversation with you.

7:07 pm (Niall)  
_fine but you’re telling me the story behind all of this at lunch tomorrow. if you don’t want to tell dev we can ditch him_

7:09 pm (Baz)  
It’s fine. If we don’t tell him then, I’m sure you’ll find a way to spill everything later.

7:11 pm (Niall)  
_you think so low of me_

7:14 pm (Baz)  
You’re just now figuring that out?

  
  
***

 

10:03 pm (Simon Snow)  
**hey ty :D** ****

10:05 pm (Ty)  
Hey. Are you feeling any better?

10:06 pm (Simon Snow)  
**UM YES KLDSFJLDFKSJ**

10:06 pm (Simon Snow)  
**YOU GOT ME FLOWERS**

10:06 pm (Simon Snow)  
**which are now resting safely in a vase getting all of the water, love, and support they need to thrive**

10:09 pm (Ty)  
So it wasn’t too much?

10:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**nOOOO IT WAS SO SWEET**

10:10 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i have one question tho… that wasnt you, right?**

10:12 pm (Ty)  
No. It was a friend of mine.

10:13 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thats what i thought**

10:13 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but why was he blushing so much ???**

10:14 pm (Ty)  
He’s a straight guy who gave flowers to another guy in the middle of a packed cafe.

10:16 pm (Simon Snow)  
**LKDFDFSFJFDKLKLJ**

10:16 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thats a good friend right there**

10:17 pm (Ty)  
Yeah.  

10:17 pm (Ty)  
I came out to him today, and he was surprisingly really cool about it.

10:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**omg thats amazing ty!!**

10:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**...but it wasnt just for my sake right?**

10:20 pm (Ty)  
What do you mean?

10:19 pm (Simon Snow)  
**because you needed someone deliver the flowers to me**  

10:21 pm (Ty)  
No. It’s okay. It actually felt really good to come out to someone. Even if it was in a very unusual way. 

10:21 pm (Simon Snow)  
**was that the first time youve come out to anyone?**  

10:22 pm (Ty)  
Yes.

10:22 pm (Ty)  
What about you? Are you out? 

10:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**mhmmm im bi and everyone knows**  

10:24 pm (Simon Snow)  
**its not something i really bring up in front of my dad tho**  

10:27 pm (Ty)  
That’s the funny thing with me, too. I wouldn’t mind being out to everyone else, but I can’t imagine what my father’s reaction would be.

10:28 pm (Simon Snow)  
**maybe not as bad as u think?**

10:30 pm (Ty)  
Knowing him, it will be even worse than I imagine.

10:33 pm (Simon Snow)  
**oh :( im so sorry**

10:35 pm (Ty)  
It’s a fucked up situation where I know he loves me in some way, but at the same time I’m a disappoint to him and we both know it.

10:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**holy shit ty i relate to that so much w/ my dad**

10:38 pm (Simon Snow)  
**u deserve better tho im sorry**

10:40 pm (Ty)  
Fuck. I’ve just come to the realization that I managed to cheer you up with the flowers and now I’ve completely brought down the mood.

10:40 pm (Ty)  
Subject change… uh. What’s the best High School Musical movie?

10:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**NO PLS DONT WORRY ABOUT IT**

10:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**its nice that u can open up to me**

10:41 pm (Simon Snow)  
**as for the movies, the first one owns me and the second and third are tied**

10:43 pm (Ty)  
Weak. You have to rank them with no ties.

10:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ok ok hsm 1, hsm 2, then hsm 3**

10:45 pm (Simon Snow)  
**but this isnt to say that hsm 3 isnt a masterpiece**  

10:45 pm (Ty)  
I haven’t seen them but I’m just going to assume you’re wrong.

10:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**KDFJJFDKSFJ**

10:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**LISTEN i am the high school musical expert U HAVE NO AAUTHOIRTY HERe**

10:46 pm (Simon Snow)  
**WERE SOARING FLYING THERS NOT A STAR IN HAEVNE THAT WE CANT REACH**  

10:49 pm (Ty)  
Why did I pick this subject I have so many regrets

10:50 pm (Simon Snow)  
**IF WERE TRYNG YEAH WERE BREAKING FREE**

10:50 pm (Ty)  
Somehow these lyrics are decreasing my already nonexistent desire to watch the movie.  

10:51 pm (Simon Snow)  
**funny bc its becoming my life goal to turn u into an hsm fan**

10:53 pm (Ty)  
Goals are supposed to be realistic, Snow.

10:54 pm (Simon Snow)  
**u doubt me now but just wait**

10:54 pm (Ty)  
Don’t get your hopes up. 

10:54 pm (Simon Snow)  
**I CAN AND WILL GET MY HOPES UP**  

10:54 pm (Ty)  
Well, I admire your determination.

10:54 pm (Ty)  
Goodnight, Snow.

10:55 pm (Simon Snow)  
**omg... u just gave me a compliment AND a goodnight???**

10:55 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ur becoming soft**

10:56 pm (Ty)  
No goodnight for me? 

10:57 pm (Simon Snow)  
**GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT GOODNIGHT SWEET DREAMS U SWEET SWEET HUMAN**

10:57 pm (Ty)  
I regret asking. 

10:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**SHHHHHHHH GO TO SLEEP**

10:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**thank u again for the flowers btw**

10:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**i literally havent stopped squealing since it happened**

10:58 pm (Simon Snow)  
**ive been squealing for five consecutive hours**  

10:59 pm (Ty)  
You’re welcome. You should get some sleep too. Stop squealing. 

11:00 pm (Simon Snow)  
**:’D**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading, and thanks for all of the lovely comments on the last chapter!
> 
> if anyone is interested, my friend and i are doing a snowbaz twitter au which can be found here: https://twitter.com/waywardbaz/status/1040350321011130368


	8. use your words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baz gets a lesson in flirting and simon is passionate about his snack choices. today's carry on countdown prompt is "coffee shop au" so i figured i would count this!

Saturday

 

Group chat: "The Lads"

Members: Baz, Dev, and Niall

 

1:22 pm (Dev)  
_Go get your mans Baz_  

1:25 pm (Niall)  
_never say that again_

1:25 pm (Baz)  
^ 

1:30 pm (Dev)  
_Tough crowd._  

1:31 pm (Niall)  
_for real tho when are you gonna stop being a disaster and tell him who you are??_

1:33 pm (Baz)  
I already explained this.

1:35 pm (Dev)  
_Listen I probably shouldn’t try to give you advice about guys because uh..._

1:35 pm (Niall)  
_because you’re a dumbass when it comes to relationships?_  

1:35 pm (Baz)  
Because you’re a dumbass in general?

1:36 pm (Dev)  
_I HATE YOU BOTH_

1:36 pm (Dev)  
_I was just gonna say_

1:36 pm (Dev)  
_If you really like him then the risk is worth it._

1:37 pm (Niall)  
_the dumbass speaks the truth_

1:39 pm (Baz)  
Both of you are on thin fucking ice.

1:40 pm (Dev)  
_At least try to flirt with him or something?? I’ve known about this for like three days and I’m already exhausted_

1:42 pm (Baz)  
Imagine being me.  

1:43 pm (Niall)  
_baz we all know you can flirt_

1:43 pm (Niall)  
_whip out the winky faces ;)_

1:45 pm (Dev)  
_No, that’s now how Baz flirts he uses coy eyebrow raises and clever wordplays_

1:47 pm (Baz)  
I’m not flirting with anyone.

1:48 pm (Dev)  
_Back to my previous point, YOU HAVE TO._

1:50 pm (Niall)  
_oh dev ;) ur so demanding ;0_

1:50 pm (Niall)  
_see its not that hard_

1:52 pm (Baz)  
I’m five seconds away from leaving this chat.

1:52 pm (Dev)  
_Me too tbh._

1:53 pm (Niall)  
_I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP HERE!!_

1:55 pm (Baz)  
Remind me again why I told either of you about this? 

1:56 pm (Niall)  
_dude this is the most entertaining thing that’s happened to us in months you have to keep us updated_

1:58 pm (Baz)  
I know your life revolves around me, but it’s a little depressing at this point.

1:59 pm (Dev)  
_We have our own lives but yours is like a shitty fanfiction_

2:01 pm (Baz)  
How would you know, Dev?

2:01 pm (Niall)  
_dev reads one direction fanfiction in the dark of the night when no one is around_

2:02 pm (Dev)  
_That’s not true what the fuck??_

2:02 pm (Dev)  
_You have no proof_

2:03 pm (Niall)  
_you have no proof to prove me wrong_  

2:03 pm (Baz)  
And I thought texting Simon was exhausting.

2:04 pm (Niall)  
_aRE YOU TEXTING HIM RN_

2:04 pm (Dev)  
_What are you two talking about? Spill the beans_

2:05 pm (Baz)  
Find a new source of entertainment.

2:07 pm (Niall)  
_ugh_

2:07 pm (Niall)  
_dev send me some fic links_

2:08 pm (Dev)  
_I DON’T READ FANFICTION _

  
  
***

 

3:06 pm (Simon)  
**omg ty i just had the most embarrassing moment of my life**

3:10 pm (Ty)  
Should I be shocked?

3:12 pm (Simon)  
**there was a guy at the cafe wearing a soccer uniform**

3:12 pm (Simon)  
**and get this**

3:12 pm (Simon)  
**his name was tyler**

3:14 pm (Ty)  
Sorry to disappoint, but that wasn’t me.

3:15 pm (Simon)  
**yeah i kinda learned that the hard way**

3:15 pm (Ty)  
WHAT DID YOU DO? 

3:17 pm (Simon)  
**SLFDKJFLKDSJFKLDSJFKDSLFJLKF**

3:17 pm (Simon)  
**I PANICKED THATS WHAT** ****

3:19 pm (Ty)  
I need to hear this story. 

3:20 pm (Simon)  
**ok well i didnt wanna ask him outright if he was you bc it would be awkward if i was wrong**  

3:20 pm (Simon)  
**so after i took his order i was like “what are your thoughts on high school musical?”**

3:21 pm (Ty)  
Oh my god.

3:22 pm (Simon)  
**THATS NOT EVEN THE WORST PART** ****  
**  
**3:22 pm (Simon)  
**he was like “uh haha what” and i got nervous so i start rambling about how the first move is underrated and how i owe my life to kenny ortega and so on**

3:24 pm (Ty)  
This poor boy. 

3:27 pm (Simon)  
**I KNOW I FEEL SO STUPID JKLFDSLKF**

3:29 pm (Ty)  
I’m on the edge of my seat. How did he respond?  

3:31 pm (Simon)  
**he was like “yeah thats cool man high school musicals dope” but i could tell he was rlly creeped out**

3:35 pm (Ty)  
Okay, that’s proof enough that it wasn’t me because I’ve never said the word “dope” in my life.

3:35 pm (Ty)  
Fuckin dope dude

3:35 pm (Ty)  
Oh my god how do I unsend a text

3:36 pm (Simon)  
**JAFLJFKLFSKFLAJ**

3:36 pm (Simon)  
**STOP IT WA S SWEET THAT HE LISTENED TO MY RANT** ****

3:36 pm (Simon)  
**it was in fact, dope**

3:38 pm (Ty)  
I hope you at least gave him a discount or something.

3:41 pm (Simon)  
**im not allowed to do that unless i mess up an order or something but u know what he deserved one**  

3:41 pm (Simon)  
**wanna know the ACTUAL worst part**  

3:43 pm (Ty)  
I’m dying to know the actual worst part.

3:45 pm (Simon)  
**his uniform was for my schools soccer team**

3:45 pm (Simon)  
**WHAT IF I SEE HIM AGAIN ????**

3:48 pm (Ty)  
If you do, I dare you to start singing High School Musical songs while performing full choreography. (I’m assuming you know the dances.)

3:49 pm (Simon)  
**ya thats a great idea if i want him to get a RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINGST ME**

3:49 pm (Simon)  
**of course i know the dances u know me so well**

3:55 pm (Ty)  
How could I forget that you dance like a sim? 

3:58 pm (Simon)  
**STOP I STILL HATE THAT**  

3:58 pm (Simon)  
**we get it you play sims!!**

4:01 pm (Ty)  
You don’t? 

4:02 pm (Simon)  
**fair enough**  

4:02 pm (Simon)  
**anyways**

4:02 pm (Simon)  
**do u ever cry and then feel so refreshed afterwards**

4:03 pm (Simon)  
**like my eyes are dry, the autumn air is crisp, the scones are buttered**

4:05 pm (Ty)  
What 

4:07 pm (Simon)  
**u cant relate huh**  

4:09 pm (Ty)  
I cannot relate.

4:09 pm (Ty)  
Wait, you were crying? Are you okay??

4:10 pm (Simon)  
**awww r u worried about me :)**

4:11 pm (Ty)  
No.

4:12 pm (Simon)  
**hmmmmm convincing**

4:13 pm (Ty)  
I’m just jealous because I want to be the one to make you cry.

4:13 pm (Simon)  
**SUUUUURE ;)**

4:14 pm (Simon)  
**anyway ebb and i had a good cry together earlier**  

4:14 pm (Simon)  
**morning shift ritual**

4:16 pm (Ty)  
Is that part of the job requirement? 

4:16 pm (Simon)  
**NO FJDSLJF BUT THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS**

4:16 pm (Simon)  
**im ok btw thanks for asking :’O**

4:16 pm (Simon)  
**sometimes u just gotta talk about ur feelings and let the tears out and then the rest of the day is grand**  

4:16 pm (Simon)  
**thats what ebb likes to do**

4:18 pm (Ty)  
So you’re not the only emotional wreck who works there?

4:19 pm (Simon)  
**EBB RUNS THE JOINT TY**

4:20 pm (Ty)  
“Joint”

4:20 pm (Ty)  
It’s called Ebb’s Cafe, Snow, I’m aware.

4:22 pm (Simon)  
**IM SORRY BUT U JUST SENT “JOINT” AT 4:20 IM SCREECHING**

4:22 pm (Simon)  
**HOW DID I SET THAT UP SO PERFECTLY WITHOUT EVEN MEANING TO**

4:25 pm (Ty)  
You sound like every high school boy I try to block out whenever they’re in a twenty foot radius. 

4:28 pm (Simon)  
**NO U** ****

4:31 pm (Ty)  
No you.

4:34 pm (Simon)  
**NO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU**

4:35 pm (Ty)  
You are exhausting.  

4:37 pm (Simon)  
**…..no u**

  
***

 

9:38 pm (Simon)  
**hey ty my guy**

9:43 pm (Ty)  
Hi Snow.

9:46 pm (Simon)  
**watcha dewin**

9:48 pm (Ty)  
Homework. And you?

9:49 pm (Simon)  
**hOMEWORK?!?**

9:49 pm (Simon)  
**ITS SATURDYA NIGHT** ****

9:50 pm (Ty)  
Yeah, well AP Calculus is a killer.

9:52 pm (Simon)  
**oh so ur SMART smart**

9:53 pm (Ty)  
What 

9:55 pm (Simon)  
**JFDSLFJLDSF**

9:55 pm (Simon)  
**im @ pennys house btw**

9:55 pm (Simon)  
**we’re partyin**

9:56 pm (Ty)  
Sounds wild.

9:58 pm (Simon)  
**ptshh kidding we’re actually alone watchin the good place and eating cheese flavored popcorn**

10:00 pm (Ty)  
I’m gagging.

10:02 pm (Simon)  
**EXCUSE U THATS A GR8 SHOW**

10:03 pm (Ty)  
CHEESE FLAVORED POPCORN, SIMON.

10:03 pm (Simon)  
**I KNOW FDSJKDFKL I WAS MESSING WITH U**

10:03 pm (Simon)  
**cheese popcorn raised me to be who i am today**

10:05 pm (Ty)  
Somehow that makes sense.

10:07 pm (Simon)  
**how dare u come into my house and disrespect the cheese**

10:07 pm (Simon)  
**cheese popcorn gave me my rights**

10:10 pm (Ty)  
I apologize sincerely, cheese popcorn.

10:11 pm (Simon)  
**may b the cheese popcorn will forgive u… if u eat him**

10:12 pm (Ty)  
I…

10:14 pm (Simon)  
**u have to show the cheese popcorn ur appreciation**

10:14 pm (Simon)  
**through Eats**  

10:15 pm (Ty)  
Are you drunk?

10:16 pm (Simon)  
**on cheese popcorn :P**  

10:16 pm (Simon)  
**cheesy pop**

10:16 pm (Simon)  
**the cheese goodness**

10:18 pm (Ty)  
I’m never going to eat that.

10:20 pm (Simon)  
**i bet u havent even tried it!!**

10:20 pm (Ty)  
I don’t need to. Buttered popcorn is just fine.

10:24 pm (Simon)  
**buttered popcorn literally saved my life and raised my grades**

10:24 pm (Simon)  
**but sometimes u gotta mix it up a little**

10:26 pm (Ty)  
You’re a very passionate person when it comes to food. 

10:26 pm (Ty)  
Junk food, presumably. 

10:27 pm (Simon)  
**thank u for noticing my greatest passion <3**

10:28 pm (Ty)  
I can’t believe you distracted me from homework with cheese popcorn.

10:30 pm (Simon)  
**im so powerful !!!**

10:32 pm (Ty)  
That’s one word for it...

10:33 pm (Simon)  
**what would u call me then**

10:33 pm (Simon)  
**alluring? captivating? entrancing?!**

10:35 pm (Ty)  
Annoying.

10:35 pm (Ty)  
And you definitely got those words from a thesaurus.

10:36 pm (Simon)  
**no they were from miss penny bunce herself**

10:36 pm (Simon)  
**who also thinks im annoying and says u should stop distracting me so we can watch the show**

10:37 pm (Ty)  
She sounds wise.

10:37 pm (Ty)  
But I’m not the one doing the distracting.

10:38 pm (Simon)  
**sorry i cant help being so ALLURING its just in my nature**

10:38 pm (Ty)  
I think captivating is a better word for it. ;)

10:39 pm (Simon)  
**JSLDFKJDFDSKJFDS**

10:39 pm (Simon)  
**TY  IM**

10:41 pm (Ty)  
That’s not to say I ever want to listen to you talk about cheese flavored popcorn again.

10:42 pm (Simon)  
**maybe ill stop.... if u call me captivating again....**

10:43 pm (Ty)  
You love to torture me, don’t you? 

10:45 pm (Simon)  
**no i love to CAPTIVATE U >:)**

10:46 pm (Ty)  
LMAO

10:46 pm (Ty)  
Jesus 

10:46 pm (Ty)  
I’m only saying this because I’m tired, but you, Simon Snow, are the most captivating person I’ve ever met. 

10:46 pm (Ty)  
Goodnight. 

10:47 pm (Simon)  
**WIAT**  

10:47 pm (Simon)  
**IM BLUSHIGNG**

10:47 pm (Simon)  
**DONT G GO**  

10:47 pm (Simon)  
**I HAVE TO DESCRIBE U NOW** ****

10:49 pm (Ty)  
Is that so?

10:50 pm (Simon)  
**yes**

10:50 pm (Ty)  
Don’t be too harsh, then.

10:51 pm (Simon)  
**like i could ever**

10:52 pm (Simon  
**okay**  

10:52 pm (Simon)  
**ur amusing, engaging, rare, & unforgettable**

10:52 pm (Simon)  
**(words courtesy of penny, feelings courtesy of me)**  

10:52 pm (Simon)  
**goodnight :)**

10:55 pm (Ty)  
JKLJFKDFJSLKFJMNVKDSFEKJREIOWRJeMXFDKRWREFJSDMDNSFJSOIADOWIRERUKFMDDXXLEJRERUEOIRUESDMOJSDKJSAKJDIDFKFLDSJVMXDJFKSFJLSKFJIEOJEKLFJLDSKMFDSKLFJDLKFJDKSLJFS 

10:56 pm (Simon)  
**omg... u keysmashed**

10:57 pm (Ty)  
God, I did. You’re rubbing off on me.

10:57 pm (Simon)  
**im so proud of u**

10:58 pm (Ty)  
You’re pleased by the most simple things.

10:58 pm (Ty)  
XCVNXCMVCXMVBBFDB

11:00 pm (Simon)  
**that was ugly u gotta stick to the middle row of letters**

11:01 pm (Ty)  
I’m going to bed now.

11:01 pm (Simon)  
**GOODNIGHT <3** 

11:02 pm (Ty)  
Goodnight, Si.

11:03 pm (Simon)  
**:))))**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally updated! thanks for all of your lovely comments on the last chapter, please feel free to let me know what you think of this one! <3
> 
> my twitter: @waywardbaz


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